My Protector
by Piper Elizabeth
Summary: Reela story. Ray has to help Neela cope after a terrible ordeal. Note – This story does have to do with rape so please just be aware of that.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** My Protector

**Disclaimer:** ER and its affiliated characters do not belong to me, even though I wish they did so that I could finally make Ray and Neela get together.

**Summary: **Reela story. Ray has to help Neela cope after a terrible ordeal.

Note – This story does have to do with rape so, if that offends anyone, please don't read it.

This is my second ER fic, but hopefully not my last. This story does have to do with Neela being raped (although the act of the rape is not specifically written about), so please just be aware of that as you read. I really wanted to write something that was angsty and that would bring Neela and Ray closer together. Of course, I would never want this to happen to Neela (or anyone for that matter). I always love hearing comments and suggestions so let me know what you think!

**Chapter 1**

4:32 AM

Ray rolled over and looked at the digital clock by his bedside. He groaned and closed his eyes again. When he heard the front door slam shut, he opened his eyes for a second time, and realized that it must have been the door opening that woke him. He quickly reminded himself that he should fix the hinges on the door that screeched loudly every time the door was opened.

Ray rolled onto his back and placed his arms under his head, sighing. He closed his eyes once again but then heard yet another slam.

Annoyed, Ray swung his legs to the side of his bed and stood. He grabbed a pair of lounge pants off the floor, and pulled them on over his boxers, but left himself shirtless. He groggily walked down the hallway.

As he passed Neela's bedroom, he noticed that it was dark and her bed was still made. He quickly calculated in his head that her shift had ended three and a half hours ago. He wondered where she could have been all that time.

Ray glanced at the bathroom and noticed a stream of light coming through the crack at the bottom of the door. Still annoyed that he had been woken up, he banged on the door loudly.

"Some of us are trying to sleep, Neela," he yelled through the door. There was no response. He rapped his knuckles against the door more loudly and was about to yell her name once more when he heard the sound of her gagging and vomiting.

"Neela, are you alright?" He asked through the door, suddenly less annoyed and more concerned. "Neela?"

"I'm fine," she replied meekly. He barely heard her.

"Let me in," he commanded, trying the doorknob. It was locked. "Neela…"

"I'm fine," she repeated, this time slightly louder. He heard her throw up once more.

"Neela!"

"Please, Ray," she said, practically pleading with him. "I just have a stomach bug."

Ray stared at the closed door and thought about knocking again, but he knew that it would do no good. Neela was a doctor, after all, and knew how to take care of herself. A part of him, though, couldn't help but feel as if something more was wrong that a simple stomach bug.

Ray stood outside the door a moment longer before heading back to his bedroom. He laid down in bed, but knew that he wouldn't be able to sleep.

He was about to get up again to knock on the bathroom door and ask if Neela needed anything, when he heard the bathroom door open. He listened as Neela went from the bathroom to her own room.

When he heard her door close, Ray got up and walked to her room. He stood outside her door and listened, but heard nothing. He raised his hand to knock on her door, but didn't. Whatever was wrong with her, she obviously didn't want him to know.

Sighing, Ray walked down the hallway. As he passed the bathroom, he slowed. Curious as to what was going on with Neela, he went inside.

He inspected the bathroom carefully. There was a bottle of hydrogen peroxide on the sink next to a wet face cloth. The medicine cabinet was partially open. Ray opened it the rest of the way and something fell out. He bent over, picked it up, and realized that it was Neela's birth control pills. Not thinking anything of it, he put them back in the cupboard and closed the door. He was about to leave when he noticed something bright red inside the garbage.

Ray stood, opened the medicine cabinet, and grabbed a latex glove. He put it on his right hand and then knelt beside the garbage once more. He picked up the red object with his gloved hand, and furrowed his brow. Immediately he put the object back in the garbage, and threw his latex glove away with it.

Ray stood once more and opened the medicine cabinet. He took out Neela's birth control again and pulled the pills out of the sleeve that they came in. He examined the pills. When he saw what he was looking for, he dropped the pills on the counter and raced to Neela's door. Her light was still on. He pounded on the wood heavily.

"Neela, open the door!" He shouted.

"Please, Ray, leave me alone," she pleaded quietly.

Ray shook his head, not taking no for an answer. "Let me in, Neela."

She didn't respond.

Knowing that there was no lock on either of their bedroom doors, Ray reached for the door handle and opened the door.

He stepped inside, not expecting to see the scene that was before him. Neela was sitting on her bed with her naked back to him. But it wasn't the fact that she was sitting there in her underwear, topless that shocked him. It was the scratches on her back.

"Get out!" She shouted, quickly grabbing her bed sheet to cover herself up. She wrapped herself in the sheet as tightly as possible. She wouldn't turn to face him.

"Neela, what happened?" He asked, approaching her.

"Leave me alone!"

He walked to her bedside and looked at her back. Although she had managed to cover most of it up, he still could see that it was in bad shape.

"Ray!" Neela warned as he walked around her in order to face her. She kept her head down with her hair covering her face. "Please get out," she muttered.

Ray crouched in front of her and lightly pushed her hair back from her face. He placed his fingers under her chin and lifted her head up so he could look at her better. She wouldn't meet his eyes. He stared at her face and noticed that her eyes were red from crying and her cheeks were stained with tears. He felt a tear fall on his hand. He quickly looked her over and noticed that her face was pretty scratched up, just like her back. She had a large cut above her left eye.

"Neela," he whispered, urging her to talk to him.

"Please don't," she sobbed as he reached his hand up to examine the cut on her face. "Ray, please…"

Despite her protest, she didn't do anything to physically stop him.

"You need to get that cleaned up," he reported, "and the wounds on your back."

"They're fine," she insisted, sniffling. "I cleaned them and…"

"You can barely reach them..."

"I said I'm fine," she insisted.

Ray put his hand on top of hers. She jerked her own hands away.

"Let me help you," he whispered.

She hesitated but eventually nodded, not having the energy to fight with him. He stood and went back to the bathroom to gather supplies.

When he returned, he saw that she had barely moved. She sat completely still with her head down. He approached her and set the supplies he had gathered on the floor. A million questions flowed through his mind but he knew that his priority was her. Questions could come later.

He sat on the bed behind her. She jumped, obviously startled.

"It's okay," he soothed. He looked at her back but she still had the sheet wrapped around her. "Neela, you're going to have to take the sheet off."

She slowly unwrapped the sheet from her body, but held it against her chest, covering herself. Ray examined her back. She had nine, fresh cuts. Two of them were deep and still oozing with blood. Ray began by cleaning them. Neela was silent through the entire ordeal even though he knew that the peroxide against her wounds burned.

"Do I need stitches?" She asked softly.

"You should be all set with just a bandage but we'll have to take a look at it in a little bit to be sure."

Ray finished treating her back in silence. When he was done, he moved so that he was facing her. She hadn't stopped crying.

Ray looked at the wound on her head and began to treat it. Again, she said nothing.

"Talk to me, Neela," Ray said as he placed a bandage over her cut.

"I just…I fell," she stuttered.

"I saw your underwear in the garbage."

"I have my period," she replied quickly.

"I looked at your birth control. You're only two weeks into it." She looked down at the floor once more, knowing that he knew.

"Who did this to you, Neela?" He asked. "Tell me who raped you."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

6:14 AM

When Neela heard him say the word 'rape,' she broke down. She knew what had happened to her. She had said it over and over again in her head, but she couldn't handle him saying out loud. She was trying her best to be strong for him, but she couldn't pretend any longer. She began to sob.

Neela pressed her head against Ray's shoulder, and he quickly climbed onto the bed with her. He wrapped his arms around her without causing her more pain. Her whole body began to shake and tremble. Ray just held her, leaning his head on top of hers. He whispered to her that everything was going to be alright, but he couldn't help but feel helpless. She was hurting, not from the physical pain, but from the emotions of it all, and there was nothing he could do for her but hold her.

After minutes of pure crying, she raised her head. Ray handed her a tissue from the tissue box on the nearby table. She dabbed her eyes with it, but even as she wiped away the tears that stained her face, more tears came.

"What happened, Neela?" He prompted. He took her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"I don't know…I don't know if I can…"

"You can do this," he assured her.

She swallowed a hard lump that had formed in her throat. Her head was spinning, but she tried to pull herself together and remember everything that happened, even though she so desperately wanted to forget.

"I was walking to the apartment from the train," she stuttered. "Someone grab…grabbed me from behind and pulled me into this alley. I yelled. I yelled and screamed for someone to help me but no one came. He ripped my shirt and he pushed me to the ground. I fell on some broken bottles but I was so terrified…I didn't even feel it."

She cleared her throat. "I tried to crawl away…I tried to fight him but he was too strong. He hit me on the head," she pointed to the cut above her eye. "He hit me with something and I blacked out. I don't know for how long, but when I came to, he was on top of me and he was…." Her tears came stronger and faster. "When he was done, he…he thanked me and just left. He was just gone. And I didn't know what to do. I just picked myself up and came home."

Ray paused. He didn't know how to respond. How could he tell her that he wished he had been there to save her? How could he tell her that he would kill the person who had hurt her? How could he tell her that her story made him feel as if he had been shot through the heart?

"Neela, I'm…I'm so sorry," was all he could manage to say.

"You can't tell anyone. Please, Ray, I don't want anyone to know. I didn't even want to tell you."

He was struck by her words. How could she not tell him?

"You can tell me anything, Neela."

"Please, promise me you won't say anything," she stuttered, ignoring his remark.

"I promise," Ray agreed. "But, Neela, you have to go to the hospital."

She shook her head. "No."

"You need to get your injuries checked out and…"

"You said I was fine," she retorted.

"You are but…"

"I can smell him on me, Ray. I can smell his breath. I can feel his hands on me." Ray's blood boiled. "I can feel his lips on my lips. I can even taste him and I don't want to. I don't want to remember him, Ray. I just want it to be over. I just want to take a shower, and wash him off of me. I want to forget that this happened."

"I know. I know you want to forget but, Neela, forgetting isn't the answer. I don't need to tell you, that after your bathe, the evidence is gone. If you want to catch this guy, you have to have a rape exam done."

"I don't want to catch him."

Ray sighed. He had heard women like Neela tell him that too many times and he had given them the same speech that he was about to give Neela. Only, for the first time, he knew that his speech really meant something and he knew that she would be the most important person he'd ever tell it to.

"You're upset and you're scared and you're angry and you have every right to be. I understand how you feel but you're not thinking clearly. I know that you want to forget that this happened, and maybe you'll never change your mind but, Neela, if you don't go to the hospital now you lose your chance of ever being able to change your mind."

She wiped the tears from her eyes. "I can't go to County."

"Then we'll go to Mercy."

"Don't you have a shift in a few hours?"

Ray looked at the clock. Had it really been almost two hours since he had first been woken up by the slamming of the door? Had it really been almost two hours since he had felt his whole world turn upside-down?

"I'll tell them I have a twenty-four hour bug or something," he replied. "I won't let you go alone."

She nodded. "Okay," she whispered, unsure of whether or not she really meant it.

"Okay," Ray said. He stood. "I'll go get changed and we'll go together."

He headed for the door, but then stopped when Neela called out his name. He turned back towards her. She tried to turn her body to look at him but pain shot through her back.

"I don't think I can get dressed by myself," she admitted, not looking at him.

Without saying anything, Ray walked over to her dresser and pulled out a pair of comfortable pants. He then walked to her closet and found a large T-Shirt. He walked slowly back to the bed and stood in front of her. She clutched the sheet to her chest and tried to stand but she fell back onto the bed.

"Here, let me help you up," he offered. He placed each of his hands on her arms and helped her to her feet. The pain she felt was unbearable. Quickly, knowing that dropping the sheet would leave her topless, Ray walked behind her. He knew that she was as embarrassed enough as it was, and seeing her naked from the waist up would just add to her embarrassment. She dropped the sheet and Ray quickly slipped the T-Shirt over her head from behind. He slowly and carefully helped her put her arms through the arm holes. The fabric against her skin burned but there was nothing either of them could do for her. Ray helped her sit back down and he began to put her pants on as if he was dressing a porcelain doll. He lifted her slightly to get the pants over her hips.

"You okay?" He asked, noticing the pain on her face.

She nodded but didn't speak.

"I'll be right back," he said.

Although he didn't want to leave her, he quickly headed for his bedroom and threw on a pair of Jeans and a T-Shirt that he arbitrarily picked up off the floor. He wasn't even sure if it was clean. He grabbed his wallet and County ID badge off his bureau and shoved it into his pocket. He sat on his bed and picked up his cell phone from his bedside table. He disabled the alarm that was set to wake him up in just another half hour and then dialed County.

"County General," the voice on the line said. Ray recognized it as Frank's voice.

"Frank, it's Ray. I must have eaten something bad for dinner last night. I've got a pretty bad case of food poisoning. Tell Kovac that I won't be in today."

"Can't you ask Neela to cover for you?"

"We ate the same food," Ray lied. "We've both been up all night throwing up."

"Well, that must smell nice. Alright, I'll tell Kovac."

"Thanks Frank."

Ray hung up the phone and stood. He placed the phone in his pocket, along with everything else, and walked back to Neela's room.

"Are you ready?" Ray asked from Neela's doorway.

"I don't think anyone's ever ready for this," Neela replied, without looking up.

Ray approached her. She tried to stand, but couldn't find the energy. Sensing her struggle, he helped her to her feet and continued to hold onto her arm as they walked out of her room and out of the apartment.


	3. Chapter 3

I have to admit that this wasn't my favorite chapter to write, but it had to get written so here it is. The funny thing is, it's actually a whole page longer than my first two chapters. But anyway, I hope you enjoy reading it more than I enjoyed writing it. As always, I appreciate your comments/suggestions.

**Chapter 3**

7:04 AM

The sun beat down on Chicago, sending the early morning temperatures into the 80's. The streets outside were already busy with commuters running to the train station, and cars blaring their horns at one another.

Ray and Neela stepped out of their apartment. Ray stood beside her, holding her arm for both physical and emotional support. A man in a business suit briskly walked by them and hit Neela in the arm. She gasped and pulled away from Ray, back towards the apartment.

"Hey!" Ray yelled after the man, angry that he had startled Neela to such an extent.

The man ignored him and kept walking. Ray took a step in the direction the man was walking, as if he was going to chase after him.

"Don't," Neela whispered, reaching out for Ray's hand. He turned back to her and took her hand in his. Although he was angry, Ray knew that he had to let it go. Neela needed him.

"You okay?" He asked her.

She nodded. "Let's just go."

Ray nodded and, out of habit, began leading them to the train station.

A few blocks later, Neela stopped. She stared down a small alley. Ray followed the gaze of her eyes and then suddenly became angry with himself for not thinking about passing that spot.

He couldn't help but look down the narrow street. Ray didn't know what he was expecting, but he was almost surprised when it looked like nothing had happened at all. Everyone would pass by the street, as they did every morning, and not know that it was the location of a horrible crime that would forever change Neela's, and his, life.

"Neela…" Ray began, trying to take her away from that spot. He pulled on her arm to walk away from the alley, but it was as if here feet were glued to the spot.

"I was so close to home," she stated softly. "I was so close…"

"Come on," Ray beckoned, finally managing to move her from the spot she was standing in. They began walking back towards the apartment. "We'll take a taxi," he suggested, taking out his cell phone. He quickly called information and received a phone number to a taxi service.

Within minutes, the taxi arrived. Ray opened the door and helped Neela inside. She winced with pain, but she never made a sound.

"Mercy hospital, please," Ray said to the driver.

"County's closer," the man replied.

"We'd like to go to Mercy," Ray stated.

"Suit yourself."

The taxi pulled away from the curb and brought them to Mercy. Ray helped Neela out of the car and gave the driver the necessary amount of money. Neela stood at the hospital doors, unable to move.

"I don't think I can do this," she whispered as Ray came up behind her.

"Yes you can," he assured her.

A tear rolled down her cheek and she turned to Ray. "Please, I just want to go home."

He wanted to listen to her. He wanted to do what she wanted him to do, but he couldn't. And he knew that deep down inside, she understood.

"Neela, I promise I'll be with you every step of the way. You can do this."

A tear rolled down her cheek and Ray wiped it away with his thumb. He took her by the hand and led her into the emergency room. Although the ER at Mercy was different from the one at County, it was also remarkably similar. The front desk was in the center, with the waiting room just to the right, which was already packed. Four doctors wheeled an injured patient down the hallway on a gurney, shouting vitals at one another.

"Here, why don't you wait here," Ray suggested, showing Neela to an empty chair in the waiting room. He helped her sit. "I'll go find a doctor."

She nodded and Ray walked to the front desk. As he approached it, he looked back at Neela. She hung her head low and wiped her tear stained face with her hands.

"You need to wait in the waiting room, fill out your paperwork, and we'll get to you when we can," the nurse behind the desk stated, without even looking up at Ray. Ray pulled his County badge from his pocket and showed it to the nurse.

"My name is Dr. Ray Barnett, I'm an ER doc at County General," he explained in a hushed tone. "My…friend was raped last night and she needs a rape exam done."

"Why didn't you just go to County?" The nurse asked, still not looking up.

"She's a ER doctor there, too. She doesn't want anyone to know. Look, I know that there are a lot of people waiting but if we could just get this done…"

"Does she have any other injuries?" The nurse asked, finally looking at Ray.

Ray nodded. "Her back's pretty beat up. I treated it but it should probably be looked at. She might need stitches."

"Look, we're really busy."

"Could you at least give us a room and I'll take a look at her back myself? I can give her the stitches if she needs them and then, when you have a doctor available, they can do the rape kit." Ray explained. He had thought of performing the rape exam himself, but he knew that neither of them would be comfortable with that. Although he was a doctor, and had performed the exam dozens of times, he knew that it just wouldn't be right. She needed him as her friend, not as her doctor.

"That's against all hospital policy," the nurse informed him.

"Please," Ray pleaded. He glanced over at Neela once more. The empty chair beside her had been occupied by an older man. The man was obviously talking with her, and Neela looked like she was in complete agony.

"Alright," the nurse replied, noticing Neela for the first time. "I'll have a doctor check in on her as soon as possible."

"Thank you," Ray said.

The nurse came around from the desk and waited as Ray saved Neela from the man who was discussing the baseball game from the night before with her. The nurse showed them into one of the exam rooms. She took down a paper gown from a shelf beside the bed, and put it on the bed.

"You'll need to put this on," she said to Neela. "And fill out this paperwork." She dropped a clipboard on the bed. "I'll have a doctor come in as soon as someone is available."

Ray thanked her and the women left, closing the curtain wall around them.

"I'm going to look at your back again. Now that I have the right instruments and lighting, I can make sure you don't need stitches," Ray stated. Ray walked up behind her and helped her out of her shirt and into the paper gown, which was open in the back. She sat down on the bed and Ray dragged a stool over to the side of the bed. He put on a pair of latex gloves and began to take the bandages off of the scratches on her back.

When all of the bandages were off, he examined each of the cuts individually. The smaller ones had already begun to heal.

"It doesn't look like you're going to need stitches," he informed her. "When was the last time you had your tetanus shot?"

"What?" Neela asked, not really paying attention. She couldn't bring herself to concentrate on him. Instead, the scene of her being raped replayed over and over again in her mind.

"If you fell on broken glass, and you haven't had a shot in a while, you should update your tetanus shot."

"I had one last year," she replied, remembering Abby giving her the shot after she had been cut by a rusty nail.

Ray re-bandaged the cuts on her back with fresh gauze and tape. When he was through, he snapped off his latex gloves and threw them away. He tied up the back of Neela's paper gown, so her back wasn't totally exposed, and then pulled the chair around so that he was facing her. She wrapped her arms around her legs and brought her knees up to her chin, trying to make herself as small as possible.

"What if I can't do this?" She asked quietly.

"You can," Ray replied. "You're strong, Neela…you just don't know it."

Ray reached for Neela's hand when the curtain opened. A young, male doctor, probably around both of their ages, walked in holding a chart.

"Neela Risgotra," the doctor said.

"Yes," Neela replied.

"I'm Dr. Winters," he shook her hand.

"Doctor Ray Barnett," Ray introduced, standing up and shaking the man's hand.

"I understand we'll be doing a rape exam," Winters said. "Would you like me to call the police for you?"

Neela shook her head but said nothing. She began to unconsciously rock back and forth.

"That won't be necessary," Ray stated.

A nurse walked in, holding a tray. She placed the tray on a counter behind them.

"Alright, Neela, I need you to slide down on your back and place your feet in the stirrups." Winters slid the stool that Ray was sitting on to the end of Neela's bed. "This shouldn't be too painful but you might feel…"

"She's a doctor," Ray interrupted, knowing that Winters was speaking to her as Ray spoke to his own patients like they were small children.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't aware," Winters responded.

Neela didn't say anything. Instead, she just slid down on the table and placed her legs in the stirrups like the nurse told her to. The nurse immediately put a sheet over her knees.

"I'll show you to the waiting room," the nurse said, talking to Ray.

"No!" Neela practically shouted. "I want him to stay." The nurse nodded and went to the exam room next door to get Ray a chair. She brought it over to him and he sat at Neela's bedside, holding her hand. He kept his eyes trained on hers throughout the entire ordeal, even though she wouldn't look at him. He could see the pain in her face as the doctor performed the exam, and he knew that it was a mix of physical and emotional pain.

"How much have you been bleeding?" Winters asked.

Neela closed her eyes and Ray squeezed her hand for encouragement.

"It was steady…but it's slowed," she answered.

Ray had almost forgotten about the bloody underwear that he had found in the trash. That was his clue that something was wrong, but he never even asked her about it. Ray knew that many women experienced bleeding after they were raped, but Ray never even asked her about it.

"Well, if it doesn't stop in the next twenty-four hours or so, I want you to come back and have another exam done…but I suspect you already knew that."

Neela nodded.

"It looks like we might have gotten some pubic hair and semen," Winters informed her. "We'll get it tested and we'll have it here if you ever decide to pursue your attacker. I'll have Nurse Swan take some blood and we'll get you tested for any STD's."

Again, Ray was shocked at his ignorance. He never even thought of STD's. He couldn't fathom the idea that Neela could suddenly have something so terrible. He held Neela's hand a little tighter.

"I wouldn't have intercourse for at least two weeks until you can heal properly," Winters explained, staring right at Ray.

"Oh…we're not…we're…we're just colleagues and friends," Ray stuttered, realizing that Winters assumed that Ray was her boyfriend.

"I'm sorry, I just assumed," Winters apologized. He changed the subject. "It says on your chart that you sustained other injuries…"

"They've been taken care of," Ray insisted.

"Very well, then. Dr. Risgostra, I can arrange for you to speak with a psychologist or put you in touch with a rape crisis center or…"

"No," Neela quipped.

"Normally I would insist on it, but seeing as how you're a doctor, I'll let you make your own judgments. You can get dressed now and Nurse Swan will return in a little bit to take your blood work."

"Thank you," Neela responded, drawing her knees up to her chest again.

"I'm very sorry, Dr. Risgostra," Winters said as he walked out.

When they were alone, Ray pushed a strand of hair behind Neela's ear. A tear rolled down her cheek. Ray brushed it away lightly with the palm of his hand.

"It's okay," he said. "You did it. It's over."

"It'll never be over," she whispered, before breaking down and crying.


	4. Chapter 4

Okay, so, I was much happier writing this chapter than the last chapter and my absolute favorite scene of any fic I've ever written is at the end of this chapter. I would like to warn you now, however, that, since I'm coming up on the end of the semester, I won't have as much time to write and therefore, I have no idea how long it will take my to post the next chapter. I apologize in advance. But, I hope you enjoy and, as always, leave me comments!

**Chapter 4**

10:15 AM

Ray opened the apartment door, and waited as Neela walked past him and into the apartment. She took a few steps in, but then stopped as if she didn't know where to go. Ray closed the door behind him, and waited for her to say something or do something, but she simply stood.

"Do you want me to make you something to eat?" He finally asked.

Neela shook her head. She couldn't turn and face him. Ever since he had found her in her room, she hadn't looked him in the eye. She knew that if she did, he'd really be able to see the hurt that was inside of her, and she couldn't let him see that. She was too proud to let him see that.

"I'm going to shower and try to sleep," she replied.

"Do you need me to help you?"

Again, Neela shook her head. She knew that he meant that he would help her undress if she asked him to. It wasn't the embarrassment of being naked that made her say no. It was the fact that she knew that she had to do it for herself. She had to prove to him, and to herself, that she wasn't helpless.

She began to walk forward, towards the bathroom.

"I'm here if you need me," Ray offered as she closed the bathroom door.

When he heard the shower being turned on, Ray slumped onto the nearest chair. He put his head in his hands and sighed. He had never felt so utterly helpless. He hated seeing her hurt, and he hated sitting back and doing nothing. He wanted her to so desperately go to the police and do everything she could to catch the man who hurt her, but Ray knew that he couldn't force her to. She had to make her own decisions.

Inside the bathroom, Neela turned on the shower and turned the dial to the hottest setting. She painfully pulled her shirt over her head and dropped it to the ground. She looked at her back in the mirror. Ray had bandaged her cuts well. Even though she knew she should leave the bandages on, she had to know what they looked like. She had to know what the man had done to her.

Neela slowly began to peel the tape and gauze off of her back. One by one, she dropped the white pieces of cotton to the floor. When her back was totally exposed, she looked at herself fully for the first time. The nine cuts were still red and raw. The two deeper ones looked as if they could open up and begin bleeding again at any moment.

She turned away from the mirror, not able to look at herself anymore. She had never cared much about her appearance, but suddenly she was ashamed of herself.

Neela tested the water and slowly took off her pants and underwear. Painfully, she stepped into the shower and let the hot water run over her body. The water hitting her back felt like knives stabbing her from every direction, but she didn't move. She knew that in order to feel clean again, she'd have to feel pain.

Neela grabbed a face cloth and covered the entire thing with a thick later of body soap. She began to scrub down her body until her skin turned pink.

When she had finished, she rinsed the face cloth off with the hot stream of water. She reached for the body soap bottle again and poured yet another layer of soap on the small cloth. She scrubbed herself once more, feeling as if she would never be clean again.

Neela finished washing herself for the second time and repeated the step again. As she went to put the half-empty body wash bottle away, it slipped through her fingers and fell to the floor. With the sound of it dropping to the bottom of the ceramic tub, Neela broke down. She dropped the face cloth from her hands, and fell to the floor. Her back screamed out in pain as she twisted herself into a small ball on the shower floor, but she ignored it. She let the water pound on her back until it turned cold.

12:25 PM

Ray sat at his computer in his bedroom, scrolling down the page. He was looking up any information he could find about rape victims. Although his training as a doctor told him exactly what to expect both physically and emotionally from a rape victim, he couldn't help but feel that he was missing something. He knew that there had to be something that he could do for Neela. He knew that there had to be someone out there who was feeling the same way he was and who could tell him what to do for her.

Not finding the page he was looking at to be any use, he went back to the search engine that he was using and tried a different site.

As he was about to hit the back browser once again, annoyed that he wasn't finding the answer he was searching for, he heard the quite patter of Neela's bare feet against the floor. He wondered why she was awake. She had taken almost a forty minute shower but then immediately retreated to her room to sleep. He assumed that she would have slept the rest of the day and possibly through the night.

Ray turned around as she appeared in the doorway. He could tell that she had been crying again. Her eyes were puffy and her face was bright red. She stared at the floor, not looking at him, even though he could tell that she had something to say. He waited for her to speak but she didn't.

"Neela…" he began, hoping that she would respond to him in some way.

With just the sound of his voice, she felt the emotions she was trying to hold back, flood through her. A single tear appeared at the corner of her eye and rolled down her cheek.

Ray immediately stood, and walked over to her. He pulled her close to him, being careful not to touch her back. She hugged him back and rested her head against his chest. She cried, causing a wet mark to appear on his shirt. He stroked her wet hair and kissed the top of her head.

"Shh…" he whispered against her hair, trying anything he could to calm her.

"I'm so tired," she whimpered, "but I can't sleep. I laid there for so long but every time I close my eyes, I see him. It's like he's there in the shadows…waiting for me to sleep so that he can…"

"It's okay," Ray soothed. "You're safe here. I promise you, I won't let anything happen to you."

"I can still see him, Ray. I can still smell him on me. I can still feel him. What if I can never…what if I can never let him go?"

"You will, Neela. It'll just take time."

"I'm so scared."

"You don't have to be scared," he whispered. "I'm here."

Without thinking, Ray placed his left arm under her legs his right arm around her upper back. He lifted her up as if she were weightless. She wrapped her arms around his neck and placed her head in the curve of her neck. He carried her the short distance to his bed and laid her down gently on her right side. Immediately, he laid down beside her. He spooned her, with her back to his front. He placed his left arm protectively around her waist and found her hand by her stomach. He held her hand tightly and squeezed it reassuringly. She backed up against him and he slid his right arm under her head. Their bodies fit perfectly together.

Ray buried his face in her hair and kissed her lightly on the back of his head. He listened to her cry until she fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Okay, I know I said that it would be a while before I posted the next chapter but writing is just so much more fun than working on homework. So, here's chapter 5, which I really loved writing. Again, it might be a little bit before the next chapter, but I appreciate everyone's support! Please comment!

**Chapter 5**

6:23 PM

Ray moved slightly, expecting to feel Neela sleeping beside him. As he spread out his arm to feel her, she wasn't there. He opened his eyes. Her imprint was still in the mattress and pillow. She hadn't been up for long.

Ray yawned and stood up. He heard the sounds of pots banging against each other, and he made his way into the kitchen.

"Hi," he said. She jumped, not expecting him to be there, and dropped the box that she held in her hand. "Sorry."

"It's okay," she said, "you just startled me."

He went to pick up the box, but she bent over and picked it up before he could get there.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, taking a seat at the kitchen table.

She opened the box and poured the contents into the boiling water onto the stove.

"Better," she replied, stirring the contents of the pot. "But mortified."

Ray had heard rape victims say that before. He knew that they were often ashamed of what had happened to them, even though it wasn't their fault.

"Neela, you know that what happened to you is nothing to be ashamed of. It's not your fault and…"

"It's not that," she interrupted.

"Then what is it?"

"It's us…it's you. You carrying me off like I was a child and then holding me while I slept."

"Hey, I slept, too."

"That's not the point."

"Neela, there is nothing wrong with needing someone to be there for you. Everyone needs someone to hold them."

"It's just that…we're friends and…"

"We're more than friends," he said, cutting her off. He knew that this was his chance. This was his chance to tell her that he cared for her as more than a friend. This was his chance to tell her that he had feelings for her beyond friendship that he had kept to himself because he never could find quite the right time to tell her. This was his chance to tell her that he loved her.

"I know that," she replied quietly. "You mean so much to me, Ray. You're my best friend."

Ray simply nodded. "And you're mine."

Although he wanted to tell her how he truly felt, he also knew that she wasn't ready. She still hadn't even looked him in the eye since the ordeal. Ray knew that she needed to concentrate on getting well, not on their relationship.

"And I'm here for you," he added. "With whatever you need."

"Thank you," she whispered.

"What are you making?" He asked, changing the subject.

"Pasta," she replied.

"I should have known."

"What does that mean?"

"Pasta's the only thing you know how to make."

"Well, we can't all be chefs."

"No, but I could teach you."

"I've had your cooking and I wouldn't exactly call you a chef," Neela joked.

Even though she didn't smile, it was good hearing her joking with him.

"Maybe not, but at least I can make more than pasta."

"Well, if you're such a good cook, come on over here and do it yourself."

Ray stood and walked over to the stove. He took the spoon from her and stirred the pasta. She retreated back to the chair he had been sitting in.

"Are you on tomorrow?" She asked.

"Yeah, 8 AM," he answered. "How about you?"

"The same."

"Do you want me to call them and tell them that we still have food poisoning?"

Neela shook her head. "No, I need to work. The idea of just sitting here all day tomorrow…"

"I'd sit here with you," he offered, smiling.

"I need life to go back to normal," she stated. "But I need you to promise me again that you won't tell anyone."

Ray left the pasta and walked over to her. He kneeled in front of her and took her hands in his.

"I promise," he assured her. "This is just between us. But remember that I'm here for you. If you need to leave tomorrow or you're not ready, I'll be there to take you home. I need you to know that."

"Thank you," she said as he embraced her.

2:58 AM

Ray flipped through the channels on the television, barely paying attention to what was on. He had put the TV on mute, so as not to wake Neela, but the idea of reading the closed captioning that scrolled across the bottom of the screen, didn't appeal to him.

Neela had gone back to bed soon after dinner, but from her tossing and turning, Ray guessed that she wasn't sleeping well. He was tempted to go into her room and cuddle with her, but he didn't. He knew that she needed her space. If she needed him, he would be there for her, but it had to be on her terms.

Ray, on the other hand, couldn't sleep after his long nap that afternoon. He hadn't expected to sleep when he had curled up next to Neela in his bed, but something about the warmth of her body and her light floral scent, had him drowsy and he had fallen asleep almost instantly. Ray silently cursed himself for sleeping that long earlier as the clock turned to three AM. He knew that he wouldn't exactly be at the top of his game at work if he didn't get to sleep soon.

As he turned the TV off with the remote control, and closed his eyes, he heard the sound of her voice. He sat upright in bed as he listened to her. She wasn't speaking coherently. Instead, she was crying out. And he realized that she was crying out for him.

Ray jumped out of bed and raced down the hallway. He pushed open Neela's door and quickly ran to her bedside. She was thrashing around on the bed, kicking and flailing her arms. The blankets had been kicked off onto the floor. Her eyes were closed, and tears covered her face.

"No!" She whimpered. "Please, don't!"

Ray put his hand on her arm, but she quickly jerked it away. Her skin was searing hot.

"Neela, it's okay, it's okay," he tried to calm her.

"Please…don't! Ray! Please help me! Ray!"

"I'm right here," Ray shouted, brushing her sweat drenched hair away from her face. "I'm right here, Neela."

"Please don't hurt me!"

"No one's going to hurt you, Neela. Open your eyes."

Her body stopped moving. She breathed heavily for a moment before opening her eyes. Ray placed his hand on her cheek and rubbed his thumb over her warm skin.

"Oh Ray," she cried, burying her head in his arms. He climbed up on the bed, and lifted her onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around her small body and stroked her hair.

"It's okay," he repeated over and over again.

"It was such a horrible dream," she stuttered through her tears. "He was here in our apartment. He came into my room and I kept calling for you but you weren't here. And I couldn't do anything to stop him. It was like I was paralyzed and he…"

"I'm here," Ray assured her. "I'm right here. I won't let anything happen to you. It was just a dream, Neela."

Even though Ray said it, he wasn't sure if he believed it. He knew that the man wasn't in their apartment and he knew that she hadn't been attacked there, but Ray couldn't help but feel as if he could have saved her. She was so close to the apartment when she had been attacked, yet Ray wasn't there for her. Instead, he was sleeping just blocks way, while Neela's life came crumbling down before her eyes. He would have even slept right through her coming home if it hadn't been for their squeaky door hinges.

"Please don't leave me," she begged.

Ray held her closer. "I won't," he promised.

They held each other until they both fell asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

After taking break to write my Thanksgiving fic and work on all of my homework, I've written the next chapter. I don't have much to say about it except I hope you like it!

**Chapter 6**

7:50 AM

Neela stood outside of the ER, staring at the automatic doors. She hadn't moved in over ten minutes. She watched her colleagues buzzing around inside, filling out charts at the front desk, seeing to patients in triage, and wheeling gurneys down the wide hallways. No one had yet noticed her standing outside, and she was grateful.

Ray stood a few feet behind her, waiting for her to make the first move. He was ready to take her home if she asked him to.

He stared at her, remembering what it was like to wake up with her in his arms. They had both slept through the night in Neela's bed, and hadn't woken until 6:45 when Neela's alarm went off. Although Ray almost expected the morning to be awkward after spending the night together, it wasn't. If anything, it felt comfortable, as if they had been waking up that way every morning since the dawn of time.

"You two done throwing up?" Pratt asked, as he walked through the doors and outside towards them. He pulled on a pair of latex gloves.

"Yeah," Ray replied.

"What did you eat anyway?"

"We tried out a new seafood restaurant," Ray lied.

"Guess you won't be going back there again." Pratt smiled and looked at Neela. "You alright?"

"I'm fine," she said calmly.

She took a step forward and walked into the ER.

One Week Later

3:05 PM

Ray looked up from the chart he was reviewing when the door opened. Neela stepped inside and immediately headed for the coffee machine.

"Bad day?" Ray asked as Neela poured herself a cup of coffee and chugged it down in one, long gulp.

"Awful," she replied, pouring herself yet another cup. "Wasn't your shift over a few hours ago?"

"I had some work to catch up on," Ray lied.

"Or you felt like you had to wait for my shift to be over to bring me home," Neela replied.

"I told you, I had some charts I neglected," Ray insisted.

"You don't have to wait," she stated. But Ray knew that he did.

It had only been one week since she had been attacked. She said that she was fine. Physically, she was healing nicely, but Ray knew that there was more to it than that. She still hadn't been able to sleep on her own. Every night, Neela would go to sleep in her own room, but would always wake up with a terrible nightmare. Ray would hold her and fall asleep with her until they woke up together in the morning. They hadn't once spoken about their 'arrangement.' Ray couldn't help but wonder, though, why Neela just didn't ask him to sleep in her bed before she had her nightly nightmare. But Ray knew that she needed to do things on her terms. He promised he'd be there for her and that was exactly what he was doing.

Work had been going well for both of them. Neela threw herself into working full time, even picking up extra shifts. Working kept her mind off what had happened.

No one at the ER seemed to have noticed any change in her, and they all believed her story that the cut above her eyes was caused by a terrible fall. Ray had tried his best to work the same shifts as her, not wanting her to ever have to be alone going to work or leaving it.

Neela hadn't spoken about what had happened to her since the day Ray took her to the hospital. She was slowly making advances towards being her normal self, smiling again and finally being able to look Ray in the eye. But, she still hadn't shown any interest in finding the man who had hurt her. Although Ray hadn't brought it up, it still bothered him.

"I have to get back to my patients," Neela said, sighing, knowing that Ray wasn't about to budge.

"I'll see you at five," he responded as she walked out of the room.

"Neela, there's a guy in 2 with pain in the abdomen," Sam said, handing Neela a chart. "He's in a lot of pain."

"Is it his appendix?" Neela asked.

"Nope. He had his appendix out when he was a kid."

"Alright, I'll take a look, thanks."

Neela glanced over the chart that Sam had given her, looking for anything in his history that could explain the pain that he was having. Neela made her way to exam 2. She pushed opened the door and walked over to the bed.

"I'm Dr. Risgostra," Neela introduced.

She reached out her hand to the man lying in the bed. He looked familiar to her, but she couldn't figure out from where. She assumed that he was just a patient who had been to the ER before.

As she tried to shake the feeling of knowing him, she noticed his eyes. They were dark, his pupil and iris being almost the same color - black. The hair stood up on the back of Neela's neck. Again, she tried to shake the uneasy feeling that came over her, but she couldn't.

The man reached for her hand and shook it. Immediately, Neela reacted. She let go of his hand and stumbled backwards. Her eyes grew wide with fear as she backed herself against the door, breathing heavily.

"Dr. Risgotra?" The man asked, unsure of why she was reacting the way she was.

At the sound of his voice, Neela shuddered. Without thinking, she reached for the door handle behind her and flung the door open. She dropped the man's chart from her hands as she ran down the hallway. The plastic chart clanged against the tile floors. Neela raced past the front desk and towards the stairwell.

"Neela!" Sam yelled at her as Neela flew past. Neela began to bound up the stairs, two at a time. Same chased after her, but stopped after going up only a few steps.

"What was that all about?" Kovach questioned, as he walked to the bottom of the stairs.

Sam shrugged. "She just bolted."

"We've got two traumas coming in," Kovac informed her.

"Do you want me to find her?"

Kovac looked at his watch and shook his head. "We'll need your help with the traumas." He knew that Neela would have been helpful, as well, but he sensed that she needed to escape from the ER for one reason or another. Kovac understood how she felt. "Just page her."

Kovac walked away. Sam stood on the stairs a moment longer before heading back towards the desk. As she picked up a phone that was attached to the wall, she looked at the lounge door. She put the phone back.

"Hey Sam," Ray said as Sam walked in. She stayed in the doorway.

"Neela just went running up the stairs," she told him.

"What?"

"She ran out on a patient and ran up the stairs. She didn't seem too happy. You might want to talk to her." Sam closed the door again and left the lounge.

Ray immediately stood and ran to the stairs. He knew exactly where she would be.


	7. Chapter 7

This is a short one but I hope it's equally as likeable. Let me know what you think!

**Chapter 7**

3:17 PM

As Ray had predicted, Neela was sitting on the rooftop, leaning against the white railing that separated her and a multi-story plunge. Her head was buried in her hands, and her knees were drawn up to her chest. Even from as far away as the stairs, Ray could hear her sobbing.

Ray jogged over to her, and immediately kneeled in front of her. He placed his hands on her knees.

"Neela, what happened?" She continued to cry. "Talk to me, Neela, please."

Ray moved so that he was sitting beside her and he pulled her body close to him. She fell against him, crying against his shoulder.

For what seemed like the hundredth time that week, he soothed her, trying to get her to calm down. He hated seeing her so depressed. He wanted everything to go back to normal. He wanted her to be the woman he knew before she had been attacked. He wanted her to be strong, confident, and happy.

"He's here," she whispered, between tears.

"Who's here?" Ray asked, stroking her hair.

"He…the man…the man who…"

Ray sucked in a deep breath of air. The only thing stopping him from standing up and running back down the stairs to confront the man who had raped her was Neela. She needed him now more than ever.

"Are you sure?" Ray questioned, feeling anger running through his veins.

"I didn't recognize his face but…his touch…his voice…" Neela shuttered.

Ray felt her body shake and he held her tighter.

"He was a patient?"

Neela nodded. "He came in with stomach pain," she replied.

"Neela, you have to go to the police." She shook her head. "You have to tell them what happened. Tell them that he's here and…"

"No!" She yelled.

"You have the DNA evidence, Neela. You have everything you need and he's right here."

"I just want this to be over," she whimpered.

"But it won't be over until you bring closure to this in some way, Neela. You say you're fine, but you're not." He sighed. "This is your chance to end this. This is your chance to stop this from happening to someone else."

"I can't…I can't do this. Please, Ray, I just want to go home."

"Neela…"

"Please, Ray. Please, just take me home," she pleaded.

Ray nodded. "Okay, but I want you to think about it, Neela. Promise me you'll think about it."

She nodded. He stood and helped her to her feet. They walked down the stairs slowly. Neela tried to dry her eyes before they made it to the ER. She didn't want to be bombarded with questions.

"You okay?" Sam asked as they walked by.

"I'm just not feeling well," Neela answered. "I think I'm going to go home and rest."

She and Ray entered the lounge.

When they had both disappeared behind the closed door, Sam turned to Abby.

"What was that all about?" Abby wondered out loud, not even knowing that Neela had run away in the first place.

"Neela bolted out of one of the exam rooms."

"Why?"

"No clue but something's up with her."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, she's been acting a little strangely recently. Both of them have been actually. Ray's always hanging around, waiting for her shift to end and they've had more shifts together this past week than they've ever had before. There's got to be something going on."

"Maybe it's just coincidence," Abby suggested.

"Or maybe the two of them finally hooked up." Sam smiled. She knew that it had been a joke for a long time between everyone in the ER that Ray and Neela were bound to end up together eventually. "Maybe she's pregnant."

"Oh come on," Abby replied.

"It would make sense. Ray's always around to keep an eye on her. And they both took that day off last week together. She's been tired recently and when was the last time Neela went home sick? She's never done that."

"Being tired and going home sick is a long leap to her being pregnant. They're not even together."

"You don't know that for sure. Maybe they just haven't told us yet."

"Neela would tell me," Abby stated.

"You sure about that?" Sam asked, smiling.

As Sam said it, Abby wondered if it was true. She always considered her and Neela to be friends, but she suddenly wasn't sure if Neela would really tell her if she and Ray finally did get together.

Neela and Ray walked out of the lounge together.

"Have a good night," Sam called, smiling at Abby, as Ray and Neela walked past them.

"Goodnight," Ray responded.

"There is definitely something going on," Sam said, as Ray and Neela walked through the automatic doors.

Abby smiled and shook her head, but couldn't help but feel that Sam might be right.


	8. Chapter 8

I really enjoyed writing the beginning of this one. For some reason, it was just really fun. But anyway, by now you know that I love to hear what you all have to say so leave me some comments!

**Chapter 8**

The Next Day

6:38 AM

Ray opened his eyes to the sound of his cell phone vibrating beside his head. His phone shimmied across the night stand and fell onto the carpeted floor. Ray tried to roll over without disturbing Neela. She was facing him, lying on his right arm. Her arms were wrapped around his neck and her body was leaning on his torso.

Ray stretched out his left arm, trying to reach for his phone. He knew that it wasn't a phone call, but that it was the alarm that he had fortunately remembered to set the night before. Normally, he would have set his alarm to an obnoxious ring that would most definitely wake him up and make him want to turn it off, but he had been sleeping more lightly recently, and he knew that the vibrating would wake him. That, and he didn't want to wake up Neela.

Finally, Ray managed to reach his shoe that was beside the bed. He picked it up and hit the phone towards him. He grabbed the vibrating phone and turned it off. He put it back on the nightstand.

Neela was still sleeping soundly, despite the noise and him moving around. Ray was grateful that she hadn't woken up. It had taken her hours to fall asleep, hours of sobbing and silence. When they had returned home, Neela laid down on the couch while Ray cooked a simple chicken dinner. They sat down together to eat, but Neela simply moved the food around on her plate with her fork, and barely ate anything. Ray didn't have much of an appetite, either. He couldn't help but think about the man in the ER.

After dinner, Neela took a shower, something that she had been doing more often. She showered at least twice a day, if not more. Ray never asked her about it, but he knew that she was doing it to rid herself of the memory of that day. Ray also knew, though, that it wasn't working.

Ray had expected Neela to go to her room after her shower and try to sleep, knowing that, within an hour or two, she would call out for him, and he would join her in her bed. But, after her shower, instead of going to her own room, Neela walked straight to Ray's room. He was sitting on his bed, reading a magazine. As he looked up at her, she simply walked to his bed and sat beside him. Without hesitation, Ray took her in his arms and she cried until she fell asleep.

Ray ran his hand through his hair, trying to figure out how to get out of bed without waking Neela. He knew that he had to go to work. As much as he wanted to stay for her, he needed to go to the ER. He needed to confront the man who hurt her.

Ray carefully slid his arm out from under Neela, and slowly disentangled his body from hers. As he stood, he immediately felt cold without her warmth. Hugging his arms around his chest, Ray made his way to his closet. He picked out a shirt and a pair of pants, not caring if they matched, and walked down the hallway quietly towards the bathroom.

When he had changed and quickly brushed his teeth, Ray went back to his own room. Neela was still sleeping, although she had changed positions so that she was curled up in a tight ball. Ray silently walked over to the bed and kissed her lightly on the cheek. He didn't have the heart to wake her, but he was afraid of her reaction if she woke up and he wasn't there.

"Neela," he whispered, brushing the hair out of her face.

"Mmm…" she moaned, sleepily.

"I have to go to work," he replied, not sure if she was really awake enough to comprehend him.

"I have the day off," she mumbled.

"I know, but I have to go in. I'll be home by six."

"I'm cold," she grumbled.

Ray smiled, knowing how she felt. When they were together, they didn't need anything else to keep them warm but each other. Apart, the bed was cold.

Ray reached on the floor at the foot of the bed, where the blanket had been kicked at some point in the middle of the night. He draped it over Neela's body.

"Are you going to be alright?" He asked as he tucked the blanket around her.

"Mhmm."

"Call me if you need anything," Ray instructed. "Goodbye."

"Bye," she mumbled. She rolled over.

Ray walked to the doorway and stopped. He turned back towards her and blew her a kiss. When he turned again, towards the front door, he had one thing on his mind – getting back at the man who hurt her.

7:16 AM

The doors opened as Ray approached the building. He stormed into the ER, ignoring everyone who greeted him. He wasted no time, going behind the front desk and getting on one of the computers. He looked at the patient database and reviewed the patients from the day before. He didn't know the man's name, where he had been transferred to, or even if he was still in the hospital, but Ray was determined to find out.

"Bad morning?" Sam asked as she stood beside him at the second computer, inputting data.

"You have no idea," Ray replied.

He scanned the patient names, but knew that he was searching for a needle in a haystack.

"How's Neela doing?" Sam asked.

"What?" Ray replied, confused as to what she was talking about. As far as he knew, Sam knew nothing about what had happened to Neela.

"She ran out of the exam room yesterday. Is she okay?"

"Oh, yeah…she just had a long day," Ray answered, looking at the computer screen.

"Well, tell her we were thinking about her."

"Yeah, I will," Ray replied, not really listening to Sam at all.

Sam picked up a chart and began to walk away. As Ray scanned the computer screen for the third time, a thought came to him.

"Hey Sam," he called out. Sam stopped walking and turned back towards the desk. "That patient that Neela was working on yesterday when she ran out. What happened to him?"

"Abby ended up checking him out," Sam explained. "He had a gallbladder attack, I think."

"Is he still in the hospital?"

"I think he went up to surgery to have it removed. Why do you ask?"

"Neela was just curious. She felt bad about running out on him."

"I think he's up in recovery," Sam stated.

"Thanks, Sam," Ray said as he left the computer and headed for the elevators. He waited impatiently for the elevator to make its way down to the first floor. Frustrated, Ray ran up the stairs instead and went to the recovery wing of the hospital. He stopped at the desk just long enough to get the name and room number he needed before finding the room.

He stood outside the door and peered inside the small window. The man, whose name he learned was Craig Gulliver, was lying in bed with his eyes closed. Ray took a deep breath before pushing down on the door handle.


	9. Chapter 9

Okay, wow, I didn't expect this to be a chapter in and of itself. I actually thought the next 3 chapters would all be together, but I decided to separate them and I'm glad that I did. As always, I hope you enjoy reading it and I would appreciate your comments!

**Chapter 9**

7:21 AM

Ray opened the door slowly. He took a step inside and then another. The door closed behind him and Craig opened his eyes. He looked straight at Ray.

"Who are you?" Craig asked.

Ray ignored him, and just stared. Although he didn't know why, Ray wanted to remember every detail of the main who nearly destroyed Neela's life.

Ray looked into Craig's dark eyes and couldn't help but shudder. His eyes reminded him of a black hole that you could fall into and never stop falling. He looked up and down his body, from his crooked nose that had most likely been broken at some point in his life, to his well-defined muscles in his arms. The image of Craig holding Neela down in that dark alley floated through his mind. Tears sprang to Ray's eyes, but he did not cry. He was too angry to cry.

"You the new doc or something?" Craig questioned, wondering why Ray was staring at him as he was.

"I'm Doctor Barnett," Ray answered through gritted teeth.

Ray stepped towards the bed.

"What happened to Dr. Hodge?"

"He'll be in later."

"You another specialist or something? I've been seeing specialists all day. I mean, heck, I only got my gallbladder removed. You'd think I was having a brain transplant or something." The man laughed at his own wit, but Ray didn't make a sound.

"I'm not here as your doctor," Ray explained.

"Then what are you here for?"

Ray walked to the edge of the bed, his anger building. He still didn't know what he was going to do. He didn't know what he wanted to say or what he was even looking for out of his meeting with the man who had hurt Neela. Ray just knew that he had to say or do something.

"I want to know why you rape women."

"What?"

"I want to know why you rape women," Ray repeated as calmly as possible.

"I don't know what you're talking about. You've obviously got the wrong guy."

Ray could see the small beads of sweat that were forming on Craig's hairline. The sweat was an obvious sign of nervousness.

Not able to control his anger any longer, Ray grabbed the collar of Craig's hospital gown and pulled him up so that they were face to face. The man yelled out in pain as his stitches began to stretch.

"I'll ask you again. Why do you rape women?"

Despite his pain, the man smirked. "Who was it? Your wife? Your sister? Your girlfriend?"

"You bastard!"

Ray let go of Craig's collar and his head fell back against his pillow. Ray made his hand into a fist and punched him hard across the face. Immediately, Craig's nose began to bleed.

Ray shook out his hand, which was throbbing in pain.

"I could have you arrested in a heartbeat," Craig said as he wiped the blood from underneath his nose.

"And I'll have you arrested for rape," Ray replied, still hovering over the man's bed.

"Not if she's not willing to press charges." He grinned. "Besides, I didn't do anything wrong."

In a fury, Ray wrapped his two hands around Craig's neck.

"You didn't do anything wrong? You ruined her life!" Ray yelled, beginning to squeeze his hands. Craig immediately lifted his own hands and grabbed at Ray's wrists but Ray's grip around his neck was strong.

"Hey!" Craig shouted, trying to get Ray to let go of him.

"You think you can just take women and then throw them away like garbage, but you can't! They have to live for the rest of their lives with what you did to them! They have to live in fear that someone like you is going to jump out of the shadows and attack them around every corner!" Ray tightened his hands and Craig began to cough. "When you rape them, you change them! You strip them of their confidence and their happiness and joy!"

"You're choking me," Craig sputtered. His face began to turn grey.

Ray ignored him and just gripped tighter. He didn't care if he killed him. He wanted him to suffer. He wanted to kill him.

"She doesn't sleep because of you! She barely smiles because of you! You took her spirit away! I love her and you…you took all of that away from me!"

Ray immediately let go of Craig's neck. Craig coughed and sputtered, gasping for air. Ray stepped back and looked at his hands. He had almost killed a man with those hands and the only thing that stopped him was that he had finally admitted that he loved her out loud. He knew that, even after all Craig had done to hurt her, after all of the pain, she would never forgive Ray if he had killed him. She was the reason he had come to kill him in the first place and she was the reason he stopped.

The door swung open and a doctor rushed in.

"What the hell is going on here?" He demanded to know, rushing over to Craig who was still coughing. He immediately placed an oxygen mask over Craig's mouth and nose. Slowly, Craig's breathing became normal and his color returned. Ray backed up to the farthest corner of the room, trying to distance himself from Craig. He couldn't stand to look at him anymore.

A nurse came in and, under the doctor's instructions, began to monitor the oxygen machine.

"Outside, Doctor," the doctor said, motioning for Ray to join him outside. Ray gladly left the room.

"First of all, who the hell are you?" The doctor asked, crossing his arms over his chest. "Second of all, what the hell were you doing with my patient?"

"You must be Doctor Hodge," Ray said, feeling rather calm considering what he had almost done. He attempted to shake the man's hand. The doctor didn't reciprocate the gesture. "I'm Ray Barnett, I work down in the ER."

"And what were you doing with my patient?"

"I was just coming to check on him and he started coughing," Ray lied. He was surprised at how easily the lie had come.

Dr. Hodge eyed him suspiciously. "Don't move." He walked away.

Ray wasn't sure what he was going to do. Obviously Craig would tell Dr. Hodge that Ray had nearly strangled him to death, but Ray didn't care. As he stood against the wall, waiting for Dr. Hodge to return, he realized that he hadn't accomplished anything by confronting Craig, but he somehow felt better.

Dr. Hodge returned. "He's got marks around his neck. Looks like he was strangled."

"What does he say happened?" Ray knew that he was treading on very thing ice.

"He backs up your story. But I don't believe it. Your superior is on his way up."

"My superior?"

"Dr. Kovac."

"Look, the ER is already shorthanded with me not being there. Dr. Kovac is probably busy and…"

"This meeting can either take place now with Dr. Kovac or we can involve the lawyers and Dr. Kovac at some other time. What's your pleasure, Dr. Barnett?" Ray didn't respond. "That's what I thought. Come with me."

Dr. Hodge began to lead Ray down the hallway. As he passed Craig's room, he looked in, wishing that he had killed him.


	10. Chapter 10

Okay, this was yet another chapter that I didn't think would really exist because I expected this to just be a short scene, but it ended up being a chapter after all. I have to admit that I enjoyed this one because I've always felt that Kovac and Ray should have more of a relationship than they do and I got to create that here. Enjoy!

**Chapter 10**

8:05 AM

Ray sat on one side of a large, mahogany table in one of the many conference rooms in the hospital. He shifted uncomfortably in the matching, mahogany chair. Dr. Hodge sat across from him, sitting perfectly still with his hands folded on the table. He stared at Ray, trying to break him down in some way by using his eyes.

The door opened and Kovac walked in. He assessed the situation, looking first at Ray, who was fidgeting rather nervously, and then at Dr. Hodge.

"Dr. Kovac, please sit down," Dr. Hodge said.

Kovac glanced at the many chairs he could sit in, but he quickly chose to sit next to Ray. Although he had no idea what was going on, or why he had been called up to the meeting, he was determined to support Ray in any way possible.

"Would you mind telling me what this is about?" Kovac asked. "I've got twenty patients in triage who could use my attention, not to mention that any number of traumas could be wheeled in at any moment and Dr. Barnett and myself are both supposed to be…"

"Save it, Dr. Kovac," Dr. Hodge interrupted, angrily. "Dr. Barnett was found with one of my patients in recovery."

"Doctors check on their patients in other departments all the time," Kovac stated, still unsure as to what was going on. He hated being 'out of the loop.'

"Yes, but doctors who visit their patients don't usually choke them with their bare hands."

Kovac glanced over at Ray. "Is that what happened?"

"No sir," Ray lied. "I was checking on Mr. Gulliver when he began to choke."

"Then explain the finger print marks we found on his neck," Dr. Hodge retorted.

"What does the patient say?" Kovac asked.

Dr. Hodge let out a long sigh. "Mr. Gulliver says nothing happened but that doesn't mean…."

"Then what are we doing here?" Kovac questioned, standing up.

"Your resident attacked my patient!"

"From what I've heard, there was no such attack," Kovac replied calmly.

"How do you explain the marks on his neck?"

Kovac shook his head. "I can't, but that's not my concern. As far as I can tell, Dr. Barnett did nothing wrong and this meeting is over."

Kovac started walking towards the door. Ray stood and began to follow him.

"I demand that some sort of disciplinary action be taken!" Dr. Hodge demanded, standing up.

"I'll repeat myself, Dr. Hodge. Dr. Barnett did nothing wrong. Have a good day." Kovac walked out the door and Ray followed. As they left the room, Kovac turned to the left, rather than to the right towards the elevators.

"I thought we were going back to the ER," Ray said.

"Tell me what I just covered up," Kovac demanded.

"You said it yourself, I didn't do anything."

"Then how'd the man get those marks on his neck?"

Ray sighed, not knowing what to do. He knew that he could trust Kovac, but he also knew that he had overstepped a boundary that couldn't be ignored. If Craig changed his mind and began telling people that he had been attacked, Ray would certainly be in trouble. It wasn't the consequences, though, that worried Ray. It was Neela. How would she react to Ray telling her what he had done?

"I did it," Ray admitted.

"You strangled a patient?" Kovac asked in a whisper, not wanting anyone to overhead. Ray nodded. Kovac leaned against the wall and rubbed his face with his hands. He hadn't expected the reason for the meeting to be anything like this. "What would possess you to strangle a patient?"

"I can't explain it," Ray replied.

"He wasn't even your patient. What would possess you to seek out a patient and choke him?"

"I told you, I can't explain it."

"Well, you better start explaining because if this gets out, we are both going to be in trouble."

"You weren't involved. You were just sticking up for me."

"It doesn't matter. Damn it, Ray, what were you thinking?"

Ray shook his head, unable to reply. He had promised Neela that he wouldn't say anything. He had promised her that he would keep her secret safe, but what good had it done her? She wouldn't listen to him anymore. She just wanted to forget what had happened even though she couldn't forget. She needed more help than Ray could give her.

"He hurt Neela," Ray said quietly.

"What?"

"One week ago…she was on her way home from work and he…he raped her."

"Raped her?" Kovac was taken aback. Ray nodded. "Is she alright?"

"Physically? She's fine now. Mentally and emotionally? She says that she's fine, but she's not. She needs help…she needs some type of closure."

"Does she know that he's here?"

"He's the reason she ran out of exam 2 yesterday."

Suddenly it all made sense. Even though Kovac tried to stay as far away from the rumors and gossip as possible, he had heard the staff talking about how strange Neela and Ray had been acting over the last week, and he had witnessed it himself. Now everything was explained.

"Has she gone to the police?"

"She won't." Ray took a deep breath. "After she told me she had been raped, I had at least convinced her to go to the hospital, but she wouldn't go to the police. She still won't."

Kovac lifted his eyebrow inquisitively. "She came to County?"

"No. She wouldn't come here so we went to Mercy. They did a rape exam and collected all of the evidence, but she refused to pursue it. She said that she wanted to forget it, but she hasn't been able to forget."

"Why didn't she tell anyone?"

"She doesn't want anyone to know. She made me promise that I wouldn't tell anyone and I tried. I tried not to tell anyone, but I don't know what to do anymore. I want to help her, but I don't know how."

"And you're sure that her attacker is Gulliver?"

"Yes."

"What can I do?"

"I don't know," Ray admitted.

Ray thought that telling Kovac would be like some kind of magic remedy. He thought that Kovac would somehow have all of the answers that he needed. Of course, just getting the secret off of his chest was therapeutic for Ray, but it did nothing to help Neela in any way.

"Maybe I could talk to her," Kovac offered.

"I don't know if she'd listen to you any more than she's been listening to me."

"Maybe Abby can talk to her."

"She'll already hate me for telling you. I think she'll hate me even more if she finds out that two people know about what happened."

"You have a better chance of her listening to Abby than to me…or to you, for that matter."

"I've been there for her every step of the way," Ray stated, wanting to somehow prove to Kovac that he had done the right thing.

"I know that, but Abby…Neela might listen to her. Abby might be able to convince her somehow."

Ray thought about it, knowing that Kovac was right. Ray probably should have told Abby from the beginning, or at least encouraged Neela to tell her. After all, she and Neela were friends, and it would probably help having her come from the female perspective.

"Okay," Ray agreed. He knew that Neela would be angry with him for telling people, but he was willing to take the chance that Abby would somehow be able to knock to some sense into her.

"I'll have Abby talk to her as soon as possible and, in the mean time, let's make sure that Mr. Gulliver stays in recovery as long as possible," Kovac suggested.

Ray nodded and they both headed for the elevators.


	11. Chapter 11

I really enjoyed writing this chapter immensely. I can't really explain why, but I did. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Comments please!

**Chapter 11**

12:58 PM

Neela opened her eyes slowly. She blinked a few times before she was able to focus her eyes on the digital clock beside the bed. She moaned, not believing that she had slept so late. She rolled over and ran her hands over the empty spot where Ray had been lying the night before. She could still smell him on the linens and she smiled.

Neela pulled the comforter more tightly around her, tucking it under her chin. Although she hated that she relied on him as she did, she also couldn't deny the fact that she enjoyed sleeping in his arms every night. There was something familiar about him, something that made her feel more comfortable than she had ever felt around any other man.

Realizing that she had things that had to get done, she pushed the comforter off her body and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. She stood, but instead of leaving Ray's room, she began to look around. Even though she had spent more time in his room in the last week than she had in all of the time that had been living together, she never really took the time to see what his room was like.

She walked around, stepping over piles of clothes that were on the floor. She started with his bureau, looking it over. Although it was cluttered, there was nothing unusual on the bureau. Ray had a few different kinds of hair products, from mousse to hair gel and hair spray. Neela knew that he didn't use the stuff as much anymore as he did when he was playing with his band. He had a package of gum and a container of breath mints, a few ripped ticket stubs from concerts he had been to, and a dozen boxes of matches from the bars he had played at with his band. She picked one up from the last bar that she had seen him play at. She remembered the show well. He truly was a good musician, but he was a better doctor.

Moving on, Neela looked at the three shelf bookshelf that Ray had in the corner of his room. He had a number of books about playing the guitar and how to properly take care of a guitar, but he also had books that surprised her. He had a leather-bound copy of the complete works of Shakespeare, as well as other literary classics by Charles Dickens, the Bronte sisters, and more. Neela had never realized that he had such an interest in books before.

As she picked up one of the books, her stomach growled. She put the book back and made her way out of his room. She took a quick trip to the bathroom to empty her full bladder and then went to the kitchen to see what was available to eat. She hadn't had much of an appetite since the incident, but she knew that she had to put something into her grumbling stomach.

Neela rummaged through the refrigerator, but it was mostly empty. Neither she nor Ray had felt much like grocery shopping, and since she wasn't in the mood for any heavy eating, it didn't matter. There was left over pizza wrapped in saran wrap that Ray had insisted they get earlier in the week, but Neela hadn't eaten any of it last time and it still didn't appeal to her.

Instead of the pizza, Neela simply grabbed a box of cereal from the cupboard and poured a small amount of it into a bowl. She looked in the refrigerator for some milk, but found none. She shrugged and decided to just eat the cereal without it. She carried the bowl into the living room, and began munching on the fruity cereal, using just her hands.

As she sat down with the cereal in one hand and the remote control in the other, there was a knock at the door. Neela looked back at the door as if it would magically open itself, but, of course, it didn't. She put the bowl of cereal down on the coffee table and went to the door. As always, she looked in the peep hole before opening the door.

"Abby," Neela said as she unlocked the door and swung it open. "Come on in."

Neela stepped aside as Abby walked in. Neela shut the door tightly behind her, and made sure to lock it once more. She had become keenly more aware of things like locks in the last week.

"Nice lunch," Abby remarked, looking at Neela's bowl of cereal.

"Yeah, well, I slept through breakfast so I figured I'd make up for it." Neela sat down on the couch in front of her cereal. "Want some?"

Abby sat beside her, but angled herself so that she was facing Neela.

"No thanks. I had some pasta for breakfast."

"Sounds yummy."

"Yeah, it was."

Neela popped a few pieces of the cereal in her mouth.

"So, to what do I owe the pleasure of your company?"

"Why didn't you tell me, Neela?" Abby asked.

"Tell you what?"

"Why didn't you tell me what happened to you?"

"What are you talking about?" Neela turned away from him, knowing exactly what she was talking about. She threw more pieces of cereal into her mouth, but the cereal suddenly tasted like nothing at all and she was no longer hungry.

"Neela, I know that you were raped."

"No."

Neela stood up and walked towards the kitchen. She had no particular destination, but she couldn't stand to sit on the couch and have the conversation that she knew Abby wanted to have.

"I know that it happened, Neela, you can't deny it," Abby said as she walked into the kitchen.

"Look, Abby, just forget it. I'm fine. Everything's fine."

"Not according to Ray."

Neela's face became hot with anger. "That wanker!"

"Don't blame him, Neela. He did what he thought was best. He was smart enough to realize that you need help."

"I'm fine!"

"You're not fine, Neela. Not sleeping and not eating is not fine."

"This is none of your business."

"I'm your friend, Neela, this is my business."

"I can take care of myself."

"Neela, I'm just trying to help."

"Well don't."

"That man is at County. He's there, Neela. He's right there. You can stop him from ruining your life. You can stop him from ruining someone else's life if you would just come forward. We'd all be behind you every step of the way. You wouldn't have to do it alone."

Tears sprang to Neela's eyes. "Don't you get it! I am alone! No one can do this but me! I have to be the one to stand up in court and tell the world that he raped me. I'm the one who has to face him!"

"But don't you want to? Don't you want to face him? Don't you want the chance to look him in the eye and tell him that he can't break you? Don't you want to tell him that he can't get away with this?"

"I just want it to be over."

"But it won't be over unless you face it."

"No, it won't be over if my so-called friends keep bringing it up. I'm fine, Abby, and I'm dealing with this the only way I know how. I would appreciate it if my friends would support me in that struggle."

"Neela, I…"

"Just go."

Abby sighed, knowing she had been defeated. She couldn't make Neela do anything that she didn't want to do.

"Just remember that I'm here if you need me," Abby said. She took one last look at Neela before walking out of the kitchen.

When Neela heard the front door close, her knees gave out and she fell to the floor, sobbing.


	12. Chapter 12

This was the chapter that was meant to be Chapter 10 (and I actually wrote it before I wrote chapters 10 & 11), but things didn't work out that way. I am really happy with this chapter, though, and I just hope that it makes sense now that it's a little out of order from what I originally thought. Please enjoy!

**Chapter 12**

5:46 PM

Ray unlocked the apartment door and trudged inside. He shrugged off his coat and placed it on the coat rack beside the door. It fell to the ground, but he didn't bother to pick it up.

Feeling drained and frustrated, Ray walked into the kitchen, opened the refrigerator, and took out a beer. He easily popped it open, letting the bottle cap fall to the floor with a clang. He leaned his back against the refrigerator and took a long sip. He closed his eyes and let out a long breath of air, bringing the beer to his lips once more.

"Ray."

Startled, Ray coughed and spilled some of the beer down his shirt.

"Jesus, Neela, you scared me."

She stood in the doorway with her arms folded across her chest. Ray put the beer bottle down on the counter and grabbed a nearby towel. He began dabbing the liquid on his shirt.

"You told Abby," she accused. Her voice didn't waver. She stared at him with obvious hurt in her eyes.

Ray put the towel down. "Neela…"

"You promised me that you wouldn't tell. I _begged_ you not to tell!"

"Neela, I didn't…" Ray took a step towards her, his arm outstretched as if he was going to reach for her, but she backed up away from him. Although Ray didn't blame her for her reaction, he was still hurt by it.

"You had no right!"

"I'm sorry…I didn't mean to."

"You didn't mean to? Did it just slip out during a causal conversation?" Ray shook his head. "Then why did you tell?"

Ray sighed. As he had left Neela sleeping in the apartment that morning, determined to somehow confront the man who had raped her, he hadn't thought about what he was going to say to Neela after the fact. He was so all-consumed with the thought of somehow hurting the man who hurt her, Ray hadn't even considered Neela's feelings.

"I confronted him," Ray blurted out.

"What?"

"The man who raped you. I found out his name and I confronted him."

Neela's eyes began to water, but she wouldn't allow herself to cry.

"He's still at the hospital?"

She had assumed that her attacker would have been diagnosed and sent home within the day. She wanted to be able to pretend that she had never seen him there because it was easier than facing the fact that she was a coward. But she couldn't pretend anymore. He was there and he hadn't gone away.

"He had his gallbladder removed. He's in recovery from surgery."

"You went to see him?"

Ray nodded. Neela backed up against the couch and sank into it. She buried her head in her hands, determined to not let Ray see her cry.

He quickly walked in front of her and sat down on the coffee table that faced the couch. He placed a reassuring hand on her knee, but she jerked her leg away.

"Don't!" She sobbed without looking at him.

"Neela…"

Neela lifted her head up. Her cheeks were red and wet. Steady tears streamed from her dark eyes.

Ray shuddered, knowing this time that he had caused the tears.

"Why? Why did you do it? Why did you confront him? Why did you tell Abby?"

Again, Ray sighed. How could he explain to her the animalistic need he had to kill Craig? How could he explain that he had done it all for her?

"When you told me that he was there…that he was at our hospital…I…I knew that I would never be able to live with myself if I didn't confront him. I didn't know what I was going to do or what I was going to say. I didn't think it through, but I knew that I had to do it. So I found out who he was and I went to his room and when I saw him I just…I lost it. Knowing what he did to you, Neela, I…I wanted to kill him. I wanted to strangle him with my bare hands. I didn't care about the consequences. I wanted him to suffer."

"Tell me you didn't," Neela said, her anger turning to concern. Her tears had temporarily stopped as she thought of Ray facing repercussions because of his actions.

"He denied what he had done to you and I...I couldn't help it. I started to strangle him."

"Oh Ray."

He hung his head, for the first time, ashamed of his actions. Even when Kovac was reprimanding him, he hadn't felt so ashamed. Ray had convinced himself that he was acting in the best interest of Neela, but he suddenly wasn't so sure. He realized that he was acting out of selfishness.

"I stopped." Ray thought of the moment that made him stop. He had confessed his love for her, but he still couldn't tell her that to her face. "I stopped choking him and his doctor came in. He called Kovac up to speak with me."

"You didn't tell Abby," Neela realized. "You told Kovac." The wells of water began to form in her eyes again with the realization that it was more than one person who knew.

"I wasn't going to, Neela, I swear to you. I didn't care what happened to me. I didn't care if Kovac fired me or…or…if I went to prison for attempted murder. All I cared about was you."

"If you cared about me, you wouldn't have told him."

Ray shook his head. How could he get her to realize that what he had done was for her?

"You're wrong. Neela, you can tell yourself all you want that you're fine, but you're not. I hate seeing you in such pain. You don't eat, you barely sleep. What happens when your body just shuts down from fatigue? What happens to the patient you're working on when you don't diagnose them properly because you were too tired?" Ray paused. He didn't want to make her upset. He didn't want to make it seem as if she was incompetent, but he wanted her to see what she was doing to herself. "I told Kovac because you won't listen to me, Neela. We agreed to tell Abby because we were hoping you would listen to someone else."

"You agreed? That wasn't your choice to make! Now that Abby and Kovac know, who knows who they've told. Stories and rumors spread like wildfire in the ER! The whole hospital probably knows by now and it wasn't your secret to tell!"

"I understand why you're angry with me, Neela, and I'm sorry, but you have to understand that I just want what's best for you."

"What's best for me? What's best for me is that you and everyone else just leave me alone!"

Neela stood up. Ray grabbed for her hand.

"Don't touch me!" She yanked her hand from his grasp. "Don't ever touch me again!"

She stormed off towards her bedroom.

"Neela!" Ray called out after her.

She slammed her bedroom door. Ray took a step forward to go after her, but he knew that she needed time away from him. She needed time to figure things out for herself.

Ray flopped down on the couch, wishing that he hadn't left his beer in the kitchen.

2:29 AM

Ray was lying awake in bed. Normally he slept in the center of his bed, but he had come to sleep on the right side so that Neela could sleep on the left side. He rolled over to face where she usually lay. He took the pillow that she usually rested her head on and held it tightly against his chest. It still smelled of her.

He had gotten up an hour before to check on her. He quietly made his way down the hallway and stood outside her door, listening. She was tossing and turning, as she did most nights. But, unlike other nights when she would find her way to his bedroom and fall asleep in his arms, she stayed alone, unable to sleep.

Ray tapped lightly on her door. She didn't respond. She had every right to be angry with him, but he still hated that she was going through it all alone. He wanted to be there to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be alright.

As he hugged her pillow more closely, he realized that he wanted to be there for her always. He wanted to be able to hold her every night even when she didn't need him.


	13. Chapter 13

I feel like no matter what chapter I'm writing, Neela always ends up crying. I'll have to make sure that next time I write a fic, Neela is as happy as can be. Anyway, this was kind of a fun chapter because I was able to continue the argument between Ray and Neela, which was a lot different from working on all the lovey-dovey stuff from the past chapters. As always, I hope you like it and please comment!

**Chapter 13**

6:37 AM

Ray woke up to the sound, and feel, of his phone vibrating on his stomach. With is eyes closed, he reached for his phone and turned it off. He opened his eyes slowly, brought the phone so it was only inches from his face, and read what time it was. As it sunk in that it was morning, he realized that he must have fallen asleep a few hours earlier. Ray had tried to stay up in case Neela needed him, but sleep must have taken over. He had heard her crying throughout the night, but she never once cried out for him so he hadn't gone to her. He wanted her to have the time and space that she needed even though it pained him to do so.

Tiredly, Ray got out of bed. He walked towards Neela's room, determined to get her to listen to him that he had acted in her best interest when he had agreed to let Abby talk to her.

Ray knocked on her bedroom door. There was no reply. He knocked again, this time more loudly. Again, there was no response.

Concerned that there was something wrong, Ray reached for the door knob. He turned it and opened the door a crack, not wanting to invade her privacy.

"Neela," he called out.

Ray peeked inside, but he didn't see her. He pushed the door open more widely and scanned the room. She was nowhere to be seen. Ray immediately began to search the apartment, looking in the bathroom, kitchen, and living room. She wasn't anywhere.

Ray quickly ran back to his bedroom and picked up his cell phone. He flipped it open and held his fingers on the 2 until the words 'calling Neela' appeared on the screen. Ray held the phone to his ear and listened as the phone rang once, twice, three, four, five times. After the sixth ring, Neela's voicemail picked up.

The simple sound of her voice made him want to smile.

"Hi, you've reached Neela. I'm not able to answer the phone right now, but please leave me a message and I'll get back to you as soon as possible."

Although he enjoyed hearing her voice, he didn't bother leaving a message. He slammed his phone shut and dropped it on the bed. He wasn't so much worried, as he was concerned.

He went back to her bedroom, looking for the one thing that would tell him if she was where he thought she was. He looked at her bureau and his suspicions were affirmed. She had gone to work, even though her shift wasn't supposed to start for another three hours. Neela always hung her County badge off of her mirror, but it was missing.

Ray sat down on her bed, running his hand through his hair. He knew that Neela was angry with him, but he hadn't known just how angry. He thought of her, trying to sleep through the night alone, and it wrenched at his heart. He hadn't meant to upset her. If anything, he was trying for just the opposite, but he knew that he had let her down. He had promised her that he would be there for her and he hadn't been.

Angrily, Ray grabbed her pillow and threw it across the room. It thudded against the wall, and Ray fell back against the bed, lying down. He reached for Neela's other pillow and buried his face in it. Like the pillow in his own room, her pillow smelled of her.

For the second time, Ray could smell her, but she wasn't there. His heart lurched. A tear slipped down his cheek as he realized that he was losing her.

6:41 AM

At County, Neela took out her cell phone as it vibrated in her pocket. She looked at the caller ID and immediately put it back in her lab coat pocket. Neela had expected Ray to call, but that didn't mean that she wanted to speak to him.

"Hey, Neela, what are you doing here so early?" Pratt asked as he walked past her towards the lounge.

"I was restless. Figured I could give you guys a hand," Neela replied.

"There's a woman in four who's got a bad cough," Pratt yelled down the hallway.

"I've got it," Neela called back.

She swung by the front desk and grabbed the woman's chart before heading off to exam four.

7:27 AM

Ray stormed through the automatic doors, much like he had done the day before. This time, though, he wasn't out for blood. He was out to make amends to the only relationship in his life that mattered.

"Hey Pratt, have you seen Neela?" Ray asked as he approached the front desk. Pratt was standing behind it, looking at one of the computers.

"You two in some sort of lover's quarrel?" Pratt joked, not looking up from the computer screen.

"Look, do you know where she is or not?"

Pratt looked up, knowing that Ray meant business. He still couldn't help but smile. Unlike Kovac, Pratt was always interested in the ER drama, and, from what everyone else had been saying, there was definitely something going on between Ray and Neela.

"She's in exam four with a patient," Pratt answered.

"Thanks," Ray said as he began to walk away. He briskly walked to exam four and looked in the small window of the door. Neela was standing with her back towards him, writing notes on the chart that was in her hand.

Ray knocked on the door.

Neela turned around. When she saw him, she turned back to the patient and tried to concentrate on the symptoms she was jotting down on the chart.

Ray knocked again. This time, Neela didn't turn.

"I think he wants to talk to you," Neela's middle-aged patient pointed out in a thick, Southern accent.

"Yes, he does," Neela replied, still not turning around.

The patient peered over Neela's shoulder and waved at Ray.

"He's cute," the patient commented. "I'd talk to him."

"When did you start experiencing the cough, Mrs. Lucas?" Neela asked, trying to ignore Ray as best as possible.

"Oh just a few days ago. I wasn't gonna come to the doctor's at all, but my sister said that, in this day and age, you can never be too careful…with the bird flu going around and all."

"Mrs. Lucas, the bird flu is not going around," Neela assured her.

"Well, you just never know these days," she replied.

"I assure you that you do not have the bird flu," Neela repeated.

Ray knocked again.

"I really think you oughta let him in," the patient suggested. "I would never pass up speaking to a handsome gentleman."

Neela rolled her eyes.

"Excuse me, Mrs. Lucas, I'll be right back."

Neela spun around and stomped towards the door. Ray opened the door as she approached it and she stepped outside.

"You interrupted the diagnoses of my patient," Neela quipped.

"We need to talk."

"I'm busy." She reached for the door handle, but Ray grabbed for her arm to stop her. She looked up at him sharply. "Let go of me!"

He immediately released her. She folded her arms across her chest and turned her head away from him.

"Neela, please, I just want to talk to you."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"I was worried when I woke up and you weren't there," Ray admitted.

"I'm not a child who needs looking after, Ray. I don't need you to escort me to and from work. I don't need to be protected!"

"I was just worried." Ray attempted to hold her hand to comfort her, but she pulled away from him. "I heard you last night, Neela. I heard you tossing and turning and crying. You should have come to me last night. I would have…"

"You would have what, Ray? You would have forgiven yourself for what you did if I let you hold me last night? You don't get off that easy." She paused, her anger building. "I trusted you, but you told Abby and Kovac what happened even though I asked you not to. You shattered my trust!"

Her words hurt him. Even though he had already known it, he couldn't stand to know that he had caused her such pain.

"I just want to help you," he said quietly, unable to really defend himself anymore. As angry as Neela was with him, he was angrier with himself.

"I don't need your help, Ray!"

"Neela, I just…"

"Stop! I'm done, Ray! I can't argue with you anymore!" She turned back toward the door. "And I don't need you anymore."

She opened the door and walked back into the room, wiping the tears from her eyes.


	14. Chapter 14

Okay, wow, another chapter that I never expected to be a chapter. After chapter 13, I wasn't exactly sure where I wanted to go (even though I have a pretty good idea of where I want this story to end up) and this is just what came out. I guess that just proves that I can plan a story as much as I want, but I still have to go with what I'm thinking at that moment. I just want to quickly thank everyone for their constant support because this turned out to be a lot longer than I expected and I appreciate your patience and kind words. Thanks again!

**Chapter 14**

7:35 AM

Ray stomped away, heading towards the front desk. His head reeled with all of the different things he should have said. She was right, he had betrayed her, and he wasn't sure if she would ever be able to forgive him, or if he would ever be able to forgive himself.

"Ray." Ray turned around as Abby walked towards him. "How is she?"

"You mean besides the fact that she basically hates me and never wants to speak to me again?"

"Yeah, besides that."

Ray shook his head. "Not good."

Ray began to walk away, not wanting to talk about it anymore.

"Look, Ray, I'm sorry," Abby apologized, following him down the hallway.

"It's not your fault," Ray assured her, as he continued to walk. He knew that the only thing that would take his mind off of the situation would be to work.

"I tried to talk to her, but she wouldn't listen to me," Abby continued.

"She won't listen to any of us," Ray replied.

"What are we going to do?"

Ray stopped walking and turned around. He shrugged.

"I don't know, Abby. We can't make her do anything that she doesn't want to do. Right now I just want to focus on getting her back."

Ray continued to walk again.

"She doesn't hate you, Ray," Abby called down the hallway.

He didn't turn back to respond.

5:04 PM

Ray pulled on a pair of latex gloves and began examining the ankle of the young woman who was lying on the gurney before him. Her ankle was swollen about four times its normal size. Her skin had already turned a purplish blue.

"Well, Ms. Veto, I'll have to take an X-Ray to be sure, but it looks like you've got a fracture," Ray said.

"Please, call me Sandy," his patient replied.

Ray looked up at her and smiled. Normally, he would have seen her as a sexy, flirtatious woman with gorgeous, red hair and a nice rack, but he barely noticed her. All he could think about was Neela.

"I'll send you up to X-Ray and then we'll put a cast on. In six to eight weeks, you'll be as good as new."

"Maybe you could come over and help me exercise it," she commented, smiling. Ray shook his head and began to concentrate on her chart. "Not interested, Doc?"

"I'm…ah…I'm sort of seeing someone," Ray muttered.

"Was that a 'I'm in a committed relationship' kind of response or a 'I'm interested in someone, but she won't give me the time of day' kind of response?"

"That was a thank you, but I'm not interested response," Ray responded. He looked back at the woman's chart.

"Okay, Mr. Hunter, I'm just going to ask you to hop up on this bed," Neela said as she walked by Ray and his patient, wheeling a man in a wheelchair. She stopped at the bed next to Ray and put the breaks on the wheelchair.

"Need some help?" Ray asked as he took the few steps over towards Neela.

"No," Neela snapped.

She held onto the elderly man's arm and helped him onto the gurney.

"Neela…" Ray began.

As soon as the patient was securely on the bed, Neela grabbed the curtain that surrounded the gurney and pulled it closed. Ray stared at the fabric wall that kept him from Neela.

"She must be the one who doesn't give you the time of day," Sandy speculated.

Ray turned to face her.

"I'll go alert X-Ray that you're on your way," Ray said, ignoring her.

"You want to talk about it?" Sandy questioned, as if she and Ray had been friends forever.

Ray shook his head. "Talking about it is what got me in trouble in the first place. Someone will be by to wheel you to X-Ray in a little while."

"Well, if you change your mind, my number's on your chart."

Ray couldn't help but smile. He had never before been faced with a beautiful woman who was so obviously coming on to him, and felt nothing. Ray took one last look at the curtain that separated him and Neela before walking away.

"Hey Jerry, can you call X-Ray for me?" Ray asked as he approached the main desk. "I've got a patient in curtain one with a broken ankle."

"Am I your personal assistant now?" Jerry replied sarcastically.

Ray dropped Sandy's chart on the desk and reached for the phone.

"Fine, I'll do it myself."

Ray dialed the number for X-Ray and waited for someone to answer the phone.

Neela pulled opened the curtain that surrounded her and stepped away from her patient. She didn't even look in the direction of where Ray had been examining his patient, not wanting to see him or the beautiful woman he had been working on. She had heard the woman flirting with Ray and, although she didn't want to admit it, Neela was jealous.

Neela briskly walked to the desk. She spotted Ray, but tried to ignore the fact that he was standing there.

"Jerry, can you call X-Ray for me?" Neela asked, picking up a chart for another patient.

"You two in cahoots or something?" Jerry replied. "Get the memo, I'm not your personal secretary."

Jerry walked away. Neela rolled her eyes and picked up another one of telephones.

"I'll call for you," Ray offered, since he was already on hold with the X-Ray department anyway.

"Don't bother," Neela replied.

"I'm already on the line," Ray explained.

For the second time, Neela rolled her eyes. She took the chart that she had grabbed and began walking away. Ray hung up the phone, making a mental note to himself to call them back. Ray followed her through the hallway.

"Stop following me," Neela commanded.

"Not until you talk to me."

"I've got patients to see."

Neela attempted to open one of the exam room doors, but Ray put his arm out in front of her, blocking her.

"Look, our shifts end in an hour. We can grab some dinner and just talk."

"I've got a double shift."

"Since when?" For the past week, Ray had become an expert on Neela's schedule. He knew that he and she were supposed to work the same hours.

"Henry's got the flu so Kerry needed to stay home with him. I took her shift."

"Neela, you barely slept last night. You can't work for twenty hours."

"You can't tell me what I can and cannot do," Neela exclaimed.

"I'm trying to look out for you and your patients."

"I don't need you to look out for me or my patients. Now get out my way!"

"Fine, but I'm going to wait for you."

"What?"

"I'll wait until your shift ends. Then, we can talk."

"That's ridiculous. My shift won't be over until three AM and your shift starts again at 5. You scold me for not getting enough sleep, but it's you who's denying yourself sleep. "

"I'll sleep in the lounge."

"I already told you, Ray, I don't need you anymore!"

"I'll see you at three."

Ray walked away. He wasn't sure if he had succeeded at doing anything except making her angrier, but at least he was trying. He was determined to get her to talk to him.

Annoyed, Neela opened the exam room door. She knew that Ray was right. She was tired and fatigued. She had already had three coffees just to keep her eyes open, but she would never admit that to him. She was convinced that she would still be able to do the best job possible for her patients.

"Hello Mr. Landrie, I'm Dr. Rasgotra," Neela introduced herself as she approached her patient, stifling a yawn.


	15. Chapter 15

Okay, this was a longer one, and again, not one of my favorites, but it had to get written so I wrote it. As always, let me know what you think!

**Chapter 15**

1:21 AM

Abby pushed open the door to the lounge and immediately headed for the coffee maker. She grabbed what she hoped was a clean cup and poured herself some of the lukewarm liquid.

"That's from yesterday," Ray mumbled. He was lying on the lounge couch, trying to at least rest even though he couldn't sleep.

Abby whipped around, startled.

"I didn't know you were there," she said. Ray sat up and tried to comb his messy hair with his hands. "Wasn't your shift over at six?"

"Yeah, but Neela picked up Weaver's shift."

"So you're waiting around for her?"

"Doesn't seem like there's much else to do."

"She still won't talk to you?"

Ray shook his head. "Not unless she has to."

"Maybe I should talk to her again."

"I don't think it'll help."

The door swung open.

"We've got two traumas rolling in," Morris said.

"I'll be right there."

Abby dumped the coffee down the sink without drinking any.

"It'll get better," Abby assured Ray.

"Let me know if you guys need any help," Ray said lying down once more.

Abby walked out. She grabbed a pair of gloves on her way out the automatic doors. Neela was already standing outside, waiting for the two ambulances.

"What have we got?" Abby asked, putting on her gloves.

"An elderly woman who they suspect had a stroke and a young girl coming in with the police," Neela replied coldly.

"The police?"

"They didn't say any more than that."

"Look, Neela, I know that you're angry but…"

A police car pulled up with its lights and sirens blaring. Neela immediately approached the vehicle, wanting to get away from Abby and the conversation she knew would follow.

The officer who was driving the vehicle got out and opened the backseat door.

"What have we got?" Neela asked the female officer.

"Eighteen year old girl was attacked and raped," she explained. She offered her hand to the passenger of the car and she stood up. The woman was tall, taller than Neela by almost half a foot. Her blonde hair was matted with mud and leaves. Her right eye was already bruising and her lip and nose were both bleeding.

"I'm Dr. Lockhart," Abby introduced as she approached the car. She was going to wait for the second trauma to come in, but when she had heard the girl's story, she immediately knew that she had to take over.

"I've got this, Abby," Neela assured her, putting her arm loosely around the young woman.

"Neela, I really think that…"

"I said I got it."

Abby nodded and backed away. "Okay. Let me know if you need anything."

The ambulance carrying the second trauma patient rolled in.

"I'm Dr. Rasgotra," Neela said to the girl.

"Carrie Richter," the girl replied.

"Let me get you a wheelchair," Neela said, ready to go back into the hospital for one.

"No, I'm fine. I just want to get a rape exam so I can nail the bastard who did this to me."

Neela swallowed hard. She hadn't let Abby take over the case because she was sure that she could handle anything, but suddenly, she wasn't so sure.

"Let's get you inside," Neela said, leading Carrie in. The officer followed.

Neela quickly checked with Jerry for an open bed before leading Carrie into exam one. Neela laid out a gown for Carrie to change into and then stepped outside with the officer.

"I'm Officer Sullivan," the officer said.

"What happened?" Neela questioned, trying to stay as professional as possible, even though her emotions were running wild. She couldn't help but think of anything except the night she was attacked.

"She was walking back to her apartment from class and was attacked by someone."

"Does she know who it was?" Neela asked, not knowing why she asked the question. Even though she knew it wasn't possible, she couldn't help but think that the perpetrator had been Craig.

"She says she got a good look. She called us right away and wouldn't let us leave until we collected all of the evidence from the scene. My partner has already taken some of the evidence to the lab."

"What kind of evidence?"

"We've got some shoeprints from the mud and she pulled out a pretty big clump of his hair so we've got that. With all of that plus the evidence from the rape exam, we should have no problem finding out who this guy was. And I've got to tell you, Doc, I've never seen a victim so adamant about catching her attacker. If only all of the victims we talked to felt the same way she did, there would be a lot less creeps on the street."

Neela nodded as tears threatened to fall from her eyes, knowing that she was one of those victims that Officer Sullivan was describing.

"Well, let's make sure that she gets all the evidence she needs." Neela noticed Sam walking by. "Sam, I'm going to need some help on a rape exam."

"Sure, be right there."

Neela knocked on the exam room door before opening it. Carrie was already lying on the gurney, ready to begin.

"Is the cop still out there?" Carrie asked.

"Yes," Neela replied as she began to gather the necessary supplies.

"I want to talk to her."

"I'll have her come in after the exam. Are you hurt anywhere else, Carrie?"

Carrie shook her head. "I guess you could say I'm lucky. It was just my face."

Neela winced, wondering how any woman who had been raped could consider herself to be lucky.

"Do you want me to call anyone for you?" Neela asked, trying to put her emotional thoughts aside and trying to concentrate solely on being a doctor.

Carrie shook her head. "I already called my mom and my sister, but they live in Oregon. I told them not to bother to come because I was fine, but, if I know my mother, she's already booked their flights and found a hotel to stay in."

Sam walked in.

"This is Nurse Taggart," Neela explained.

"Nice to meet you," Carrie said, shaking Sam's hand.

Neela couldn't believe just how calm Carrie was. Neela thought back to the night she had been raped and how she had simply gone home, hoping that the memory of what had happened would just go away. If it weren't for Ray, Neela would have never gone to the hospital in the first place.

"Okay, Carrie, I'm going to need you to scoot down to the bottom of the bed and place your feet in the stirrups," Neela stated, trying to remain as calm as Carrie was.

Carrie did as told without hesitation. Sam draped a cloth over her knees as Neela prepared for the exam.

"You know, you hear about this happening, but you never know that it will happen to you," Carrie said as Neela began the exam. "I was just walking home from class, you know. And I did everything right. I made sure to walk in well-lit places, I had my keys out, ready to stab anyone who came near me, and I was on my cell-phone with my best friend. You're not supposed to get attacked when you do all of those things."

"What happened?" Sam asked.

"This guy just came up to me and asked me if he could bum a smoke. I told him I didn't smoke and kept walking, but he grabbed my hair and dragged me down. I clawed at him and kicked him, but he still managed to pin me."

For the first time, a tear rolled down her cheek. Sam squeezed her hand reassuringly.

"I'm okay, though, you know? I mean, I know that I should feel devastated and emotional, but I…I almost feel empowered. It's like, I know I'm going to be okay because the worst is over. I know that I can be stronger because of this."

"That's a good outlook to have," Sam said.

"I'm going to find him," Carrie said. "And I'm going to make sure that he never does this again. The bastard was even stupid enough to show his face."

"And you're not afraid?" Neela asked, speaking for the first time since Carrie began explaining what had happened to her. So much of her story reminded Neela of her own story, except for the ending. Neela had been a coward while Carrie was more courageous than anyone Neela had ever met.

Carrie shook her head. "When I think about all of the women out there who are sexually assaulted every day and I think that I could stop one man from doing this to someone else, it makes me not afraid. There's too much at stake to be afraid. I don't get why guys think they can get away with this. It's like they think women are just these weak people who will just let someone assault them and let them get away with it. When are they going to learn that women are not achievements for them to conquer?"

"You can say that again," Sam agreed. "You know, it's because of women like you that scum like him are off the streets."

"When I think about all of those women who don't come forward, it just makes me angry. Men continue to do this because women don't come forward. I won't let that happen. I won't stop until I find this guy."

Neela finished with the exam, handing Sam the vials that contained the semen and pubic hair that she had collected.

"It looks like we got some pretty good samples," Sam said.

"That's good news," Carrie replied, smiling.

"Nurse Taggart will draw some blood and we'll send it up to the lab to get tested for any STD's," Neela explained. "We can also give you the morning after pill."

"Oh, I'm on birth control," Carrie replied.

"It's still a good idea to take the extra precaution," Neela responded.

"Okay," Carrie agreed.

"It doesn't look like you'll need any stitches," Neela said as she examined Carrie's face. "Nurse Taggart will help you get cleaned up."

"Thank you, Dr. Rasgotra."

Carrie reached out and squeezed Neela's hand. Neela smiled, but quickly walked out, her eyes filling with tears and her whole body shaking.


	16. Chapter 16

Okay, this one is most definitely shorter than the last one, but it was so much fun to write and I'm sure that you will all be happy with this one. I promise you that things are going to start getting better for our dynamic duo. Enjoy!

**Chapter 16**

2:19 AM

"Ray…Ray…Ray!" Sam yelled.

Ray opened his eyes, immediately sitting up. Sam was standing just a foot away, leaning over him. He hadn't expected to fall asleep. The lounge couch wasn't exactly the most comfortable sleeping surface and various people constantly walked in and out, but Ray was exhausted after barely sleeping the night before and he had passed out after all.

"Have you seen Neela?"

"What?"

"Have you seen Neela?" She repeated.

"Not for the last few hours. What time is it anyway?"

"It's just after 2," Sam answered. "She's got a patient waiting to be discharged and I don't have time to go searching for her."

"I'll…ah…I'll see if I can find her."

"Look, whatever is going on between you two, you better figure out."

"What does that mean?" Ray asked, not angrily, but out of curiosity. He suddenly wondered if perhaps Abby or Kovac had told Sam, or someone else, about what had happened to Neela and that the rumors were already starting to spread.

"I mean, you two are practically inseparable. If you're together, that's great, but just get it out in the open so the rest of us can stop guessing."

Sam smiled.

"Believe me, Sam, if there was something going on, you'd be the first to know," Ray replied, also smiling.

"Just let her know that I'm looking for her," Sam said.

Ray nodded. Sam walked out of the room, laughing to herself. She knew that it was only a matter of time before Ray and Neela would be announcing that they were together.

After a moment of contemplating what he would say to Neela when he found her, Ray stood up and walked out of the lounge, knowing exactly where she was.

Ray headed for elevators. He impatiently waited for one to come down to the first floor. When the doors finally opened, he stepped inside, glad that he was alone. He needed time to himself to think about what he was going to say to her. He rode the elevator up to the roof and waited for the doors to open.

Ray stepped out onto the rooftop and tried to adjust his eyes to the darkness that surrounded him. He looked around, not able to see her. As he was about to descend back down the stairs, thinking that he had been wrong as to where she was, he heard her voice.

"What are you doing here?" She asked quietly.

Ray immediately looked to where he heard the sound. He finally spotted her leaning over the railing fifty feet away. Ray slowly approached her, but he stayed a few feet away.

"Look, if you want me to go, I will, but Sam wanted me to tell you that she's looking for you and…I just wanted to make sure that you were okay." She didn't reply. Not knowing what to do, Ray simply folded his arms and headed back for the door. "Just remember that I'm here for you," he said as he walked away.

"Ray," Neela said.

He immediately stopped walking and turned back towards her. He got closer to her, but she still had her face turned away from him.

"You okay?" He asked simply, noticing the tension that was between them earlier had lifted.

She nodded. "I've been a coward, Ray."

"You haven't been a coward," he assured her, taking yet another step closer to her.

She turned to face him. Although her cheeks were wet with tears, it was obvious that she had not been sobbing like she had so many times before throughout the week.

"Yes, I have," she insisted.

"Neela…"

"I've been so afraid," she interrupted. "I've been so afraid of him, of what he would do to me if I told someone. I've been so afraid of what people would say about me, what they'd say to me and behind my back. I've been so afraid to admit to myself what happened. I felt like as long as I could just pretend that nothing had happened, that I was fine, it would be true, but it's not. I'm not fine."

"It's going to be okay," Ray assured her. "We'll get through this."

Neela sighed. "I wouldn't have even realized it if it weren't for my patient."

"Your patient?"

"I had an eighteen year old girl come in who was…assaulted and raped on her way home from class," Neela explained.

"Oh, Neela," Ray soothed. "Why put yourself through that? Why didn't you let someone else take her?"

"I wanted to prove that I was okay, that I could still be the best doctor I could possibly be even though this happened to me. As I was talking to her, as I was doing the exam, I tried to distance myself from her, from her story, but I couldn't. Hearing her story reminded me so much of my own. Everything that I had been trying to forget came bubbling up all over again. So I came up here, and I realized that that was a good thing."

"What do you mean?"

"My patient was so…sure of herself. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that she wanted to catch whoever hurt her. It's as if the attack didn't even phase her. She was still determined to be the same person…to be stronger because of what happened. I did the complete opposite."

Not knowing what else to do, Ray reached out his arms and Neela walked into his hug. He wrapped his arms around her small frame, holding her close. He kissed the top of her head as she buried her head against his chest.

"You did what you had to do," Ray told her. "You dealt with what happened the only way you knew how."

"Both you and Abby knew better. You tried to convince me from the beginning that I wouldn't just be able to forget and you were right. If I had just gone to the police from the beginning, this whole thing could be over. I was so stupid."

"You weren't stupid, Neela and it's never too late."

"I know." She pulled away from him. "That's why I'm telling the police."

"You're going to tell the police?" Ray asked, surprised. He couldn't believe that after all he had done to try to convince Neela to tell the police, all it took was one patient.

"I don't think I can go on if I don't."

"I'll take you down to the station," Ray offered, "we can go right now."

Neela shook her head. "There's an officer already downstairs with my patient. I'd like to talk to her."

"Do you want me to be with you?"

"That's why I came up here," Neel admitted. "I was trying to figure out if I could do this alone."

"Well, whatever you decide, know that you never have to do anything alone."

Ray took her hand in his and kissed the back of her hand lightly.

"Thank you," she whispered, wiping the tears away from her eyes. For the first time, she wasn't crying because she was afraid or hurt. She was crying because she knew that Ray cared for her more than any other person ever had and she felt the same way about him.

"You're welcome," he replied quietly.

"We should go before the officer leaves."

Still holding onto his hand, Neela walked back to the door that led into the hospital, determined that she would finally take back her life.


	17. Chapter 17

I am so happy to have finally written this chapter! It's been floating around in my head for so long and, at some points in this rather long story, I was never sure if I would ever actually get here, but I did and I'm very excited! Thank you to Dr. Quinn because I "borrowed" a few names from them (Officer Sullivan from creator Beth Sullivan and Cooper St. from the last names of some of the characters in DQ). Again, I thank you all for taking this journey with me and I promise that there's still more to come!

**Chapter 17**

2:48 AM

Neela walked slowly through the hallways and towards the exam room where she hoped Officer Sullivan still was. Although she had made up her mind to tell her story, she wasn't sure how long she would actually have the guts to tell it. She knew that she had to get it over with as soon as possible. Ray walked behind her, never more than a step behind.

Neela stopped at the exam room door and closed her eyes.

"You okay?" Ray asked, placing his hand comfortingly on her shoulder.

She opened her eyes. "Yes," she replied simply.

Neela opened the door. Carrie was still lying in her bed, flipping through a two-month old magazine that Sam must have brought her from the lounge. Officer Sullivan was standing by her bedside.

"Good news, Dr. Rasgotra," Carrie exclaimed.

Neela approached her bed.

"What's that?" Neela questioned.

"We've caught the guy," Officer Sullivan answered.

"Already?" Neela replied, surprised and unbelievably happy at the same time.

"My partner just called me and said that they picked him up at his apartment just a few minutes ago. When we ran his fingerprints, we got a match automatically. He was arrested last year for sexual assault, but the charges were dropped," Officer Sullivan explained.

"The important thing is that they won't be dropped this time," Carrie responded.

"That's great, Carrie," Neela said. "I'm very happy for you."

"Thanks," Carrie replied.

Ray watched the scene that played out in front of him. He had hung by the doorway and no one had yet noticed that he was standing there. Although he couldn't see Neela's face, he could tell by the tone of her voice that she was genuinely happy about the man being caught. He hadn't seen, or heard, her that happy in over a week.

"Well, I was just telling Carrie that I'm going down to the station to interrogate this guy myself," Officer Sullivan said. "I'll be in touch."

The officer squeezed Carrie's hand and began to walk away. She made it to the doorway and excused herself so that she could get past Ray. Ray silently begged Neela to stop the officer, hoping that she hadn't lost her nerve.

"Wait," Neela called out. Officer Sullivan turned around. "I'd like to discuss something with you."

"About Carrie's case?" Officer Sullivan asked.

"About my case," Neela replied.

"I'm sorry?"

Neela sighed and gulped back a string of tears.

"Ten days ago…" she began. Ray quickly came up behind her and again, placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Remember," he whispered in her ear, "we're in this together."

"I was raped," Neela finished, without wavering. A sudden sense of relief like she had never felt before flooded over her.

For a moment, no one said anything. Carrie gasped and Ray silently let out a sigh of relief.

"I'm very sorry," Officer Sullivan finally responded after a full minute of pure silence. "You didn't go to the police?"

"No," Neela answered, suddenly one hundred percent positive that she was doing the right thing. Ray's hand never left her shoulder. "But I did have a rape exam done at Mercy Hospital. They collected semen and pubic hair."

"Where were you attacked?" Officer Sullivan asked, taking out a small notebook and a pen.

"In a small alley off of Cooper Street," Neela replied. To her surprise, her voice was strong and unwavering. Officer Sullivan took notes as she spoke. "I was on my way home from work."

"Do you remember anything about your attacker?"

"Yes," Neela said. "And he's upstairs in recovery."

"Excuse me?" Officer Sullivan exclaimed.

"He came into the ER yesterday with stomach pain. He had his gallbladder removed and he's in recovery."

"He's here? In this hospital?" Officer Sullivan questioned, trying to make sure that she wasn't just hallucinating. Catching a perpetrator had never been so easy.

Neela nodded.

"And you didn't call the police the moment he walked in here?" Carrie questioned, speaking for the first time since Neela had made her announcement. Carrie had a tear in her eye and a look of disbelief on her face.

"I know that it doesn't really make any sense," Neela admitted, "but I didn't have your courage, Carrie. I wanted to forget that it ever happened. I wasn't thinking about the other women he could possibly hurt or how I was hurting my friends…" Neela weakly smiled at Ray. "I wasn't even thinking about myself and my own well-being." Neela stepped away from Ray, finally able to find her own strength, and held Carrie's hand. "But you helped me see that I was wrong. Without you, I don't know if I would have ever told."

"God, I feel like we should be on Oprah," Carrie joked, as a tear fell down her cheek.

"I don't think I'm quite ready for national television," Neela replied, smiling.

"Well, if you'll tell me his name and room number, I'll go up and arrest him," Officer Sullivan stated.

"It's that easy?" Neela asked. Throughout her entire ordeal, she had somehow convinced herself that catching the man who attacked her would be worse than living with the fact that she hadn't caught him. Suddenly, she felt completely opposite.

"For now," Officer Sullivan answered. "I'll arrest him and have my partner run his prints. We'll collect the DNA from your rape exam and see if it matches."

"And if it does?"

"Well, a few things could happen. If he confesses, he'll go to prison. If he denies it, we'll have to prove that it was rape."

"Is that hard to do?" Neela questioned.

"In some cases, but more than likely, the guy will confess when we show him all of the evidence we have against him."

"I just want it to be over," Neela said quietly.

"It will be," Officer Sullivan assured her. "Now, where has this bastard been hiding out?"

"I'll show you his room," Ray offered. "You going to be okay?" He asked Neela, not wanting to leave her if she didn't want him to.

"Yes, thank you," she replied.

Ray simply brushed his hand against hers before leading the officer out of the room.

"He your boyfriend?" Carrie asked.

Neela shook her head. "He's just a friend. A really great friend."

"He's cute," Carrie remarked.

Neela smiled. "I hear that a lot."

"He single?"

Neela chuckled. "I…ah…"

This time it was Carrie who smiled, sensing Neela's hesitation. She knew what the hesitation meant. It meant that the attractive doctor technically was single, but that Neela was hoping that she would soon be able to say that he wasn't.

"I'm glad you told someone," Carrie said, dropping the conversation about Ray.

"Me too," Neela agreed. "It feels like this huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I'm finally allowed to be myself again. It's like, it's suddenly okay to smile and to be happy again….and sleep. God, what I wouldn't do for a nap."

Carrie smiled. "Nurse Taggart was telling me about a rape counseling center that's nearby. I was thinking of checking it out. Maybe we could go together."

"I think that's a good idea," Neela replied. "Thank you, Carrie, for everything."

"And thank you, Dr. Rasgotra. I don't think I would have been this strong without you, either. I know that when I came in here, I seemed so sure of myself and my decision to go right to the police, but the truth is, I was scared. After your story, I'm not scared anymore."

"Call me Neela."

"Thank you, Neela."

"You're welcome." Neela sighed, feeling suddenly incredibly fatigued. "Well, let me get your discharge papers and you can be on your way home. If you leave your phone number at the front desk, I'll contact you about the counseling center."

"That sounds great. Thank you again," Carrie said.

"No, thank you." Neela leaned over the bed and gave Carrie a big hug. "I"ll be back in a few minutes."

Neela walked out of the room, smiling from ear to ear.


	18. Chapter 18

I have to admit, I was a little concerned about this chapter at first. When I began writing it, I wasn't in a very good "writing mood," but I felt that I had to keep working on this story because I wanted to complete it for all of you who have been faithfully reading it from the beginning and I wanted to complete it for myself because I really want to start working on a couple of different fics (including 2 Reela ones). But, as I continued to write this chapter, I actually really fell in love with it and I'm particularly happy with the ending. I hope you really like it, too, and, as always, I appreciate feedback.

**Chapter 18**

3:47 AM

Neela stood in front of her open locker in the lounge. She grabbed her sweatshirt and pulled it over her head and down her torso. She smoothed her static hair and bent over to pick up her bag from the floor of her locker. She stood up as she heard the lounge door open. Ray walked in. Neela turned and smiled at him, thankful that it was him who walked in and not someone else. Even though she had seen him less than an hour before, she missed him.

He walked closer to her.

"How are you doing?" He asked.

"I feel…better than I ever thought I could," she replied honestly. He could sense a change in her from when she came home ten days earlier and told him she had been raped. Even though they had spent the majority of their time since then together, she always seemed distant from him. It was always difficult to get her to open up and her distance had grown tremendously when she found out that Ray had told Kovac what had happened. But now she was different. Just her smile told him that she was truly okay for the first time since the entire ordeal started.

"I discharged Carrie," she explained. "We're going to go to the rape counseling center together."

"I'm proud of you."

"Ray…" she began to say, blushing. She had had people tell her that they were proud of her before, but it had somehow never meant so much as when Ray said it to her. She just couldn't figure out if his words meant so much because of what she had done or because it was Ray who had said them to her.

"I am," he said, taking a step towards her.

"What happened to…Craig?" She asked, quickly changing the subject. She had a difficult time saying his name, but she knew that the more she said it, the easier it would become. She wasn't going to hide anymore behind fear and doubt.

"Officer Sullivan's arrested him," Ray answered. "He'll stay overnight in the hospital with an officer guarding his room at all times. Tomorrow they'll take him to a medical facility at the prison." Neela turned back to her locker and closed it. "He admitted what he did."

She whipped around. They stood only inches from each other.

"He admitted it?"

He nodded. "As soon as she brought up the evidence we had against him, he admitted it right away."

"But she's not even positive that the evidence will match. All she had was my word."

"But he didn't know that."

"So it's over?"

"It's over."

Neela gasped and hugged him at the same time, feeling relieved. He hugged her back, feeling incredibly complete with her body pressed against his. A tear came to her eye, but it was a tear of joy, not sadness. Ray brushed it away as it fell from her eye.

"Is Officer Sullivan still here? I'd like to thank her."

"She went back to the station to fill out all of the paperwork, but there's already another officer there standing by his door. She said she'd be back to keep you updated on what's going on."

They released each other.

"I owe her a lot…and Carrie."

"You owe yourself a lot." Neela brought her hand to cover her mouth as she yawned. "Including a lot of sleep," he said, smiling.

She smiled in return. "I'm going to go home," she said.

"I'll go with you," he immediately replied.

"Your shift begins in an hour," she reminded him.

"I'll find someone to take it."

Neela shook her head. "No, it's fine," she insisted. "I'm fine."

"It's not a big deal, Neela, I'll just find someone to…"

"Ray," she stopped him. "I need to do this on my own."

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure."

He hesitated. He knew that she was feeling better, but he hated seeing her go off alone. Although he knew the reason he didn't want her to go was because he wanted an excuse to spend more time with her, he rationalized it in his head that the reason he didn't want her to go was because it was dark outside and he didn't like the idea of her taking the train and walking home alone in the dark.

"Alright," he conceded, "but if you need anything, call me and I'll be there."

"Thank you," she whispered.

"I…ah…I'm gonna go find an empty room and try to get some sleep before my shift starts," he stumbled, yawning as well. "But I'm serious, Neela, if you need anything…"

"I know," she replied, smiling. Even though she knew that she needed to go home alone to prove to herself that she was fine and that she was going to be fine, she secretly wished that Ray would go with her. She may have felt renewed and she may have had a new lease on life, but that didn't mean that she would stop enjoying the feel of his arms around her as she slept.

He reached for her hand and squeezed it.

"I'll be home by one," Ray told her. Ray took a step back and Neela headed for the door. He watched her walk out, full of emotions. He was unbelievably happy for her for having the courage to face her demons, but he was also somewhat sad because he knew that, just like she said in the hallway earlier, she would no longer need him anymore. He couldn't help but wonder what that would mean for their relationship. He had made a promise to himself that he would tell her how he really felt, but he didn't know how or if he would ever really have the courage to do so.

Outside, Neela stood next to the ER doors, trying to gain the courage and strength to go back inside. She knew that there was something she had to do.

Making up her mind, Neela briskly walked back through the automatic doors and immediately headed for the stairs. She knew that if she waited for the elevator, she would lose her nerve. She bounded up the steps, taking two at a time. When she made it to the right floor, she stopped to give herself a moment to catch her breath and gather her thoughts. When her heavy breathing from running so fast up the stairs went back to normal, she walked into the hallway.

"I need to check on the patient," she said to the police officer that stood in the hallway.

"I have orders not to let anyone into his room," the officer replied.

"I'm his doctor," she responded calmly, even though she was shaking on the inside.

"Then I'll go in with you."

"That won't be necessary."

"Look, doctor, I've got orders that…"

"And this man's health is more important than your orders," Neela lied. She knew that she wouldn't have been able to see Craig if she didn't lie and say that she was his doctor. As she argued with the officer, though, she could feel herself losing her nerve.

The officer hesitated, but then opened the door for her. Neela sighed and took a step inside. She listened as the door closed behind her. Craig was lying in the bed, with his right wrist handcuffed to the metal railing on the bed. He snored quietly.

Neela approached his bed cautiously. She stared at his face. The memory of the night she had been attacked came flooding back to her, as it did when Carrie began to tell her story, but, instead of running from the memory, Neela faced it.

"You don't own me anymore," Neela said steadily, even though she was afraid.

Craig stopped snoring and slowly opened his eyes.

"What?" He mumbled, obviously confused.

"I said you don't own me anymore," she repeated.

Craig focused in on her face, not being able to figure out who she was. She was somewhat familiar, but she did not stick out in his mind as someone that he knew.

"Look, lady, I don't know who you are or what you want, but…"

"My name is Neela Rasgotra and you raped me," she stated. "And I came here to tell you that you don't own me anymore." Tears threatened to fall from her eyes, but she was determined to show that she was strong so she held them back.

"You? You're the…"

"No!" She yelled. "You don't get to address me. You don't get to talk to me because you've already taken too much of my time away. You robbed me of happiness. You nearly cost me the best friend I've ever had. But I'm here to tell you that I've taken it back. I've taken back my happiness and I've learned to be the friend that I always was again. You no longer have power over me and you will never again be able to claim that power over another woman. I am not a victim anymore. I am a survivor. And no one can take that away from me."

Neela turned and stormed out of the door. She wiped the tears from her cheeks that had begun to fall as soon as she turned away from Craig. Despite her tears, though, she was smiling, knowing that it could now all be over.


	19. Chapter 19

I'm so happy to have finally written this chapter because again, it's been one that I knew I wanted to write from the beginning, and I feel happy that I finally got to it. This chapter really pointed out to me how much I used the word "but." I don't know why I use it so often, but (lol) I can't seem to stop using it. Anyway, this is the second to last chapter and I hope you enjoy it!

**Chapter 19**

12:31 PM

Ray pushed his key into the lock and turned the knob. The door opened and he stepped inside. He glanced into the apartment, but didn't see her. Ray closed the door behind him as quietly as possible, knowing that in all likelihood, she was sleeping. He hated to admit it to himself, but he knew that he would be disappointed if she was sleeping because that meant that she was able to sleep without him.

Ray tiptoed through the apartment and walked to her room first. Her door was wide open and she wasn't inside. Wondering if she had maybe gone out, Ray went to his own room. As soon as he reached the doorway, he saw her.

Neela was curled up on his bed, her head resting on the pillow that Ray had grown to think of as hers, even though it actually was his, and her arms were wrapped around Ray's pillow. She had his comforter over half of her body. It had obviously become disheveled while she was sleeping.

Ray couldn't help but smile, thinking of her in his bed. He almost couldn't wait to hear what explanation she would give for why she was in his room and not her own.

Ray picked up the corner of the comforter and pulled it up to cover her entire body. She stirred slightly, but didn't wake up. Ray watched her sleep and then turned to go to the kitchen to make them something to eat. He figured that if her sleeping patterns were back to normal, her appetite also would have returned to normal and she probably hadn't eaten anything before she had fallen asleep.

"Ray," she whispered.

Ray turned back to her. Her eyes were still closed, but she was smirking. Ray walked back to the bed and sat down on the edge.

"Looks like you found the wrong room," he said to her, smiling.

She sat up, but still held onto the pillow that she was holding. She backed up so that her back was leaning against the headboard.

"I did go to my room," she explained, "but as soon as I laid down, I realized one of my pillows was missing and I hate sleeping with only one pillow."

"You only slept with one pillow with me," he pointed out.

"Yes, but that's different."

"Why is that different?"

Neela didn't reply. She couldn't tell him that it was different because he was there. She had always slept with one pillow under her head and one pillow for her to hug, but, with him there, she didn't need that second pillow. All she needed was him and his arms wrapped around her.

"I didn't think you'd mind," she stated, obviously flustered.

"I don't," he replied, smiling to himself. He loved it when he could make her squirm. It had been so long since they had shared a moment like that. Sharing it this time truly meant that everything was going to be alright. "And I can explain your missing pillow."

"Oh?"

"It's on the floor next to your hamper."

"And how did it get there?"

"I threw it," Ray admitted, unable to hide his smile.

"What do you mean you threw it?"

"This morning, or yesterday morning, I guess, when I woke up and you weren't here. I was feeling a little angry so I threw it."

"Well, next time you're feeling angry, throw one of your pillows."

She laughed.

"It's good to hear you laugh again," Ray said.

"It's good to laugh again."

Neither of them spoke. Ray had so many things that he wanted to say to her, but he just didn't know how. Neela was equally as bursting to talk to him, but she too didn't know quite what to say.

"Neela…"

"Ray…" she said at the same time.

"Go ahead," he said.

"No, you go ahead," she insisted.

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for telling Kovac and for agreeing to tell Abby."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for," Neela replied. "I'm the one who should be sorry for being so angry with you. I know that you were just doing what you thought was best. I know that you were trying to help me. I was just too…stubborn to listen."

"Your stubbornness is one of your best qualities," Ray commented.

Neela's skin grew warm and she blushed.

"Thank you for everything," she said.

"You did all of the hard work," he replied. "I was just here."

"But I wouldn't have been able to do it without you. I wouldn't have been able to do any of this. I've never had anyone stand by me like you did. Even when I was determined to ignore you, you persisted."

He chuckled. "Yeah, well, persistence is one of my best qualities."

"You're my best friend, my protector."

"And I'd do it all over again."

They stared into each other's eyes. Ray knew that this was his chance to tell her how he really felt about her, but as he looked into her eyes, the words wouldn't come out.

Neela's stomach grumbled loudly and they both laughed.

"I guess even my appetite is back to normal," she stated.

"I'll whip us up something to eat," he replied.

Ray stood up and walked out of the room towards the kitchen. Neela remained on the bed and hugged the pillow she was holding a little tighter.

11:21 PM

Neela tossed and turned so much on her bed that her sheet was twisted into a big knot and her blanket was barely on the bed. Frustrated, she flopped onto her back and stared at the ceiling. She tried to tell herself that she couldn't sleep because she had slept for most of the day and her body just wasn't ready for more sleep, but she knew that it was more than that. She knew that the reason she couldn't sleep was because of Ray. She wasn't having nightmares that would send her to Ray's bed like it did so many times before. Instead, she just missed him. She missed the feel of his body so close to hers. She missed his arms wrapped around her waist as he spooned her. She missed the warmth that they created together. In short, she missed everything about him.

In his own room, Ray rolled over onto his back. He tapped his fingers idly against his naked chest, sighing. Even though he was completely exhausted after working for so long and only having slept a few hours on the uncomfortable couch in the lounge and one of the exam room beds, he couldn't sleep. And he knew the reason why. He knew that he needed to feel her next to him, to feel her in his arms. He knew that he just wasn't complete without her there with him.


	20. Chapter 20

Okay, wow, the ending, finally. I feel like I've been working on this fic forever even though it's really just been over a month. I absolutely loved writing this story (even those chapters that weren't my favorite) and it really took on a life of its own. I didn't expect it to be anywhere near this length or have so much depth to it, but I'm glad that I let it go where it wanted to go instead of where my brain planned it to go from the beginning. I wasn't even sure exactly how I wanted to end this and if I wanted an epilogue, etc, but I'm finally happy with the ending. I want to thank all of you for reading this story and giving me your feedback. You guys are extreme ego boosters - just reading your comments sometimes made my bad days turn into good ones. Wow, I'm actually getting a little teary-eyed as I write this. Anyway, thank you again and I hope that I'll continue to write Reela stories (at least until they officially get together on the show). Enjoy and thank you!

**Chapter 20**

One Week Later

2:09 AM

Neela rummaged through the refrigerator. She picked a Chinese food container off the top shelf and opened it. She brought the container to her nose, sniffed it, and wrinkled her nose.

"Gross," she said out loud to herself. She immediately threw it away and then made a mental note to take out the garbage in the morning.

Neela continued her search through the refrigerator, throwing away old containers of takeout and placing anything on the counter that looked remotely edible. She couldn't explain it, but, for the last week she had been getting cravings throughout the night. She wasn't sure if it was because she was making up for her lack of appetite from the week previous or because she was tired of laying in bed, unable to sleep with nothing to do and eating was a perfectly good, anti-boredom solution.

Satisfied that she had found something that she could eat, Neela closed the refrigerator door. She looked at the three pieces of pizza, the bowl of macaroni and cheese, and the salad that she had placed on the counter. Although she knew she would have been better off with the salad, she opted for the macaroni and cheese. Neela quickly glanced at the microwave, but then decided against it. There was no reason why the noodles had to be warmed. Neela opened up the silverware drawer and pulled out a fork. She popped the top off the macaroni and cheese container and began to chow down.

"You really should heat that up," Ray said from the doorway.

Startled, Neela dropped her fork full of cheesy elbow macaroni.

"Sorry," he apologized. She picked her fork up off the ground, wiped it on a towel that was lying on the counter and continued to eat. "That disgusting."

"I've seen you eat worse things off the floor," Neela commented.

"What are you doing up?" He asked even though he knew that Neela had been up for the past seven days in the middle of the night. The only reason he knew was because he was up, too.

"I was hungry," Neela admitted, knowing that that wasn't the only reason. "What are you doing up?"

Ray walked up to her and took the fork from her hands. He dug it into the macaroni and cheese and piled the forkful into his mouth.

"I guess I was hungry, too." He handed the fork back to Neela.

"Truth be told, I haven't been sleeping too well," she admitted.

She hadn't told Ray about her inability to sleep before. She was afraid that he would be worried about her. Ever since Neela had told Officer Sullivan what had happened to her and Craig had been arrested, Ray was still protective over her, even though she was fine. Having Craig behind bars had released Neela from the prison that she had trapped herself in.

"Are you having more nightmares?" Ray asked, immediately concerned.

Neela shook her head, taking another mouthful of macaroni. She handed the fork off to Ray and he, too, took another bite.

"I don't know what it is," she said. "I just can't sleep."

"I haven't been sleeping too well myself," Ray admitted, giving her the fork.

"Really?" Neela hadn't realized that he was having the same problem. The thought that he was perhaps unable to sleep because she wasn't there for him entered her mind, but she quickly pushed it out again when she realized that she was only thinking what she wanted to be thinking.

Ray shrugged. "I don't know what it is, either." The problem was, he did know what it was, but he knew that he couldn't have it. Everything had gone back to normal after Neela finally admitted she was raped. She no longer cried herself to sleep at night and needed him to hold her. She was the strong, independent woman Ray had always known and he was happy for her, but he also missed her touch.

"All I know is that if I keep eating like this, we're going to have a serious problem," she joked, placing the empty macaroni and cheese bowl in the sink. They stood beside each other, shoulder to shoulder, leaning their backs against the counter behind them.

"Well, I guess we should both try and get some sleep."

"Yeah."

"Goodnight, Neela," Ray said as he began to walk out of the kitchen.

"Goodnight, Ray," she replied, hanging back. As he disappeared from sight, she knew that she couldn't take it any longer. "Ray!"

Ray appeared in the doorway. "Yeah?"

She sighed, knowing that it was now or never.

"I know why I haven't been sleeping well.

He walked closer to her.

"And I know why I haven't been sleeping well," he admitted, hoping that he wasn't reading the situation wrong. If he was right, Neela was feeling the same way he was.

"I've missed you," she whispered.

"I've missed you, too," he replied in a hushed tone, putting his hands on her hips.

"When I told you that day that I didn't need you anymore, that I didn't need to be protected, I was wrong. I might not need you to be there because of nightmares and bad dreams, but I do need you. I need you to hold me when I'm sleeping." She looked down at the floor. "I need you to love me."

"I do," Ray whispered without hesitation. He put his hand under her chin and lifted her face so that he could look into her eyes. "I do love you."

He pulled her closer to him and wrapped his arms around her. He brought his head down to hers and lightly kissed her on the lips. She closed her eyes, savoring every second of their short kiss.

"And I love you," she said.

This time it was she who pulled him down to her and they kissed more deeply.

"Neela…" Ray whimpered, feeling both of their pulses racing as their kiss continued to grow in intensity and length.

Finally, Neela broke their lips apart, but she rested her forehead against his and buried her hand in the back of his hair. He own hands were resting at the small of her back.

"I just need to take things slow," she said quietly. Although she had come to terms with the fact that she was raped, she also knew that starting a physical relationship would be difficult and that she would need time.

"We can take as much time as you need," Ray replied, kissing her forehead.

"I love you," she said again, reveling in the fact that the words now flowed so easily from her lips.

"I love you, too."

They stood with their foreheads together and eyes closed in silence.

"Ray," Neela finally said.

"Yeah?"

"I'm exhausted," she admitting, laughing.

He smiled. "Let's go to bed."

She began to step away from him, but he quickly scooped her up in his arms as if she were a small child. She giggled as he carried her into his room. He placed her gently on the left side of the bed and then he crawled in next to her on the right said. She immediately snuggled up to him, placing her head in the crook of his neck. He put his arms around her and their legs became entangled. They held hands between them.

"Goodnight, Neela," he said into her hairline, placing small kisses on her head.

"Mm…goodnight," she mumbled, already half asleep.

"I love you," he whispered as he heard her breathing slow.

He closed his eyes and feel asleep, unable to tell where his body ended and hers began.

Epilogue

Twelve Days Later

6:30 PM

Neela opened the oven door as she heard the apartment door open. She reached in and pulled out a tray of lasagna. Although it looked nothing like the picture in the cookbook she was using, she couldn't help but be proud of it.

Ray tiptoed over to her and wrapped his arms around her.

"Hi," she said, smiling as she put the lasagna down on the stovetop.

"Hi yourself," he replied, nuzzling her neck. "You cooked?"

She turned so that she was facing him, but his arms remained around her waist.

"Don't act so surprised."

"It's nice to come home from a hard day's work and have my woman put a nice warm meal on the table."

"Yeah, well, your woman says don't get used to it," she joked, taking off one of her oven mitts and playfully throwing it at his face.

He leaned down and kissed her deeply. As it did every time he kissed her, Neela's head spun. She was surprised at how romantic and truly unbelievable Ray had been. He loved to cook for her and had come home on more than several occasions baring chocolates and flowers. He knew just what to say to make her laugh and just what spots to kiss on her neck to make her sigh. Most importantly, though, he was patient with her and had never demanded more than she was willing to give.

"This looks great," he commented as he let her go and she began to cut up the lasagna.

He opened the refrigerator, searching for two beers, but he secretly watched her as she dished the lasagna messily onto two plates. He thought it would have been somewhat difficult waiting for her to tell him the time was right for them to take their relationship to the next level, but it hadn't been. Although he wanted to make love to her desperately, he also enjoyed getting to know her as the woman he loved and not getting caught up in the physical aspect of their relationship. That wasn't to say that he wasn't enjoying their heavy make out sessions that literally left him breathless, but he was finding unexpected joy in his patience.

"You okay?" She asked as he stood in front of the refrigerator, holding the door open.

"Yeah," he said, quickly grabbing the two beverages and closing the door. He never took his eyes off her. He wasn't sure if he would ever get tired of looking at her. "You look beautiful." Truthfully, she was wearing one of his old T-Shirts that was covered in spaghetti sauce and a pair of old Jeans, but she truly looked amazing in his eyes.

She met his eyes and smiled. Just her smile alone sent him over the edge. He took two steps towards her, put the beers down on the counter, took the serving spoon out of her hand, and kissed her like he had never kissed any woman before.

"Ray," she whimpered weakly as he planted a trail of kisses down her neck. He stopped, not wanting to cross the line.

"I love you," he whispered into her ear. He picked up the beers that he had set down on the counter and put them on the table.

"I don't think I'm very hungry…at least not for food."

He turned around and saw her leaning against the stove, smiling seductively. This time it was she who stepped towards him and crushed her lips against his. She tugged at the bottom of his shirt and she managed to pull it up over her head. She threw it carelessly, not caring where it landed. Without breaking their kiss, Ray lifted Neela up so her legs were wrapped around his waist. He carried her into his bedroom, and, as always, laid her down gently on the bed.


End file.
